Sunday, October 14, 2012

I can't...

It is something I have told myself for 30 odd years. I can't run. I am not a runner. With a million excuses. And a fat belly.
Then one day I said to myself, and repeated later to facebook,
 "If all you have are excuses, that is all you will ever have."
But I might throw up
     then throw up.
But I will look stupid
    who do you think is watching you?
But I have never been able to do it before!
     Because you quit at the first obstacle.
But I don't know how.
    Find a plan, get a clue.
But I am afraid that I will fail.
    If you don't try, you already failed.
But what if my joints swell up and I start feeling pain again?
     Then quit and go to the doctor.

So I tried.  I downloaded couch to 5k on the kids ipods.  I started the 8 week program 1 month ago.  I am on week 8.  Today I ran for 25 minutes without stopping.  I wasn't winning any races.  The tortoise and the hare beat me.  I don't care. I did it.

And I have realized that by telling myself I was not capable, I told God that I am not capable either.  I have lost  years of self discipline and fitness because I will never run as well as so and so and because I was afraid of failure.  I lost years of leaning on God when I struggled in my path because I chose the easy way. This may seem like a silly analogy however, it makes perfect sense to someone who lacks self discipline and regards themselves as not as good as those around her.
Oh, I have always felt just as loved as everyone else, probably even the favorite, but I just didn't think I had the drive.
I was wrong.
I am sorry God, it happens a lot. Just ask Greg. ;)
On Wednesday I turn 37.  I will run 3.1 miles on Wednesday. A new year, a new outlook, same me only driven.
Bless God.


shanda said...

Yeah! Way to go Lisa. Love how God teaches us yes?!?

Nancy said...

Awesome! I don't like to run either. I've told myself that once I'm done with babies and as my kids are able to stay by themselves for short times, I need to start walking/running regularly. I think I might want to follow your app. Thanks for sharing - and congrats!

Phoebe Harris said...

Starting is the hardest part. I didn't start running until I was 41, so you're doing great! I always said I would NEVER EVER NEVER run. Now I have run several half marathons. Never say never! It's great to hear about your progress.