It is something I have told myself for 30 odd years. I can't run. I am not a runner. With a million excuses. And a fat belly.
Then one day I said to myself, and repeated later to facebook,
"If all you have are excuses, that is all you will ever have."
But I might throw up
then throw up.
But I will look stupid
who do you think is watching you?
But I have never been able to do it before!
Because you quit at the first obstacle.
But I don't know how.
Find a plan, get a clue.
But I am afraid that I will fail.
If you don't try, you already failed.
But what if my joints swell up and I start feeling pain again?
Then quit and go to the doctor.
So I tried. I downloaded couch to 5k on the kids ipods. I started the 8 week program 1 month ago. I am on week 8. Today I ran for 25 minutes without stopping. I wasn't winning any races. The tortoise and the hare beat me. I don't care. I did it.
And I have realized that by telling myself I was not capable, I told God that I am not capable either. I have lost years of self discipline and fitness because I will never run as well as so and so and because I was afraid of failure. I lost years of leaning on God when I struggled in my path because I chose the easy way. This may seem like a silly analogy however, it makes perfect sense to someone who lacks self discipline and regards themselves as not as good as those around her.
Oh, I have always felt just as loved as everyone else, probably even the favorite, but I just didn't think I had the drive.
I was wrong.
I am sorry God, it happens a lot. Just ask Greg. ;)
On Wednesday I turn 37. I will run 3.1 miles on Wednesday. A new year, a new outlook, same me only driven.