Fredricks 6

A letter to Amaya

2011-11-17T08:24:00.001-05:00

**picture in this post may be disturbing. You have been warned.

Dear Mya,
I don't know what you were thinking. I trusted you. You have, since birth, thought before you acted. You have never tried anything until you were sure how it should be done. You stay close to me in parking lots, you keep your eyes on the ball, you are cautious when riding your bike.
Your sister Ellie can be cautioned and warned from sun up to sun down. She only knows her limits when she has looked them in the eye. Words are meaningless to her.
And your brother, he hears and understands. Sometimes his body moves faster than his brain. So I still warn him of things.
And of course there is Grace but honestly, that kid has so many people looking out for her and warning her that her story will be completely different from the rest.
But you,
I trusted you.
           I never warned you
                                       and now,
                                                    now you are broken.
Listen honey, under the basement carpet there is cement. Its a man made rock. Its hard. Harder than you and if you were to compete against it, the cement would win.

Which it did. So please do not do cartwheels on or off of the furniture down there, or anywhere.
With that in mind here are some more warnings I have not given you
because I trusted you.

~ Don't ever put your hand on the door frame of the van. If someone were to shut the front door you could lose fingers. That is what that handle is for.
~When you are walking in a line at school please keep your eyes on the kid in front of you.
~ Walk in the middle of the hall while turning corners.
~Don't jump off of slides.
~Don't jump off of swings.
~Don't run in the parking lot.
~Don't wander in the parking lot.
~Make eye contact with drivers in the parking lot.
~Always be on your guard around boys.
~Watch out for the edges of desks, tables and counters.
~Hold the railing while on the stairs.
~ Make sure your shoes are on tightly.
~ Wrinkles in carpet, keep your eyes out for them.
~Stones and pebbles on walkways
~Again, boys.
~Don't lean on glass.
~Stay away from ledges
~Aim low when you are playing tag
~Don't play rough in the pool
~Furniture is for sitting.
~No wrestling, especially not with boys.
~Wear a helmet.
~Wear your seatbelt.

You know.

This is exhausting.

Please just go back to thinking first.

Your mom can't deal with this.

You broke your arm and me.

I love you.

I don't like to see you broken.

You are so beautiful and extraordinary.

I know this will be a huge charector building experience for you,

but I hate seeing your pain

and brokenness.

You were so amazing that night.
A few panicked screams and you were quiet.
You sat on the couch and waited for Grandma to come and watch the kids.
You did not shed a tear.
You looked at me and said
"Is this real?
Am I dreaming right now?"
You wanted to sleep in the car.
We walked you in, holding your arm on a pillow. Did some paper work and got right into a room.
You did not cry.
Not when they couldn't place your IV

Not when you had to wait for pain medication.
Not when the Doctors and nurses touched your arm.
They asked what your pain level was.
You told them quite frankly.
I am glad they put you out when they set your arm.
Because that would have broken me more.
But you,
        you are so strong,
                                     so contained,
                                                           so BRAVE.
There was no brave face, there was pure courage.
You were born with that.
You were amazing.
You are amazing.
Lets just be careful to keep it that way, shall we?
I love you,
Mom

I didn't sign up for this.

2011-10-09T19:43:00.001-04:00

I have several posts that I have left in draft.
Because I haven't had time to finish them
Because they don't seem very interesting.
Because I feel like I am whining.

I am so grateful September is over. My brain is starting to fully realize all that we did last month. It was a lot. I have finally realized why some moms have "mom taxi" stickers and license plates in the back of their vans.

I still don't think its funny or cute.

I knew I signed up for sleepless nights.

Babies need to cuddle around the clock.

I knew I signed up for cooking.

Kids need nourishment to grow.

I knew I signed up for poop, pee, puke, and boogers.

Kids need to know they are lovable no matter what.

I knew I signed up for spilled milk and sassy mouths.

Learning to be responsible and mature happens at all ages.

I knew I signed up for tantrums,

Though I didn't realize how many would be mine.

But I never realized how, as the kids get older,

my constant presence in their lives would become so

invisible.

I am up before they wake,

cooking breakfast,

packing lunches,

double checking backpacks.

I wake them up,

they eat my food,

put on the clothes,

the ones I have washed

(and sometimes put away ;) )

I push them out of the door.

Their focus is on what they need to do.

I spend my day

cleaning their messes,

cooking their food,

earning money for their tuition.

Their job is to learn, grow, and develop relationships.

Then I pick them up.

They use the ride to unwind.

or argue

and wonder why I don't bring snacks in the car.

Their job is to let go of the day they had and get ready for the evening.

We rush to activities.

do homework, practice instruments,

and tidy bedrooms, have church night.

And rush in a blur towards dinnertime.

Its over almost before it starts.

Showers

Books

and bed.

I don't think for a moment that they are not grateful.

Or unaware of what I have done.

Its just such an odd feeling

that they don't need me constantly anymore.

I was unaware how long they would be gone.

and though its still not long enough to accomplish my

"to do list"

I MISS THEM.

And I am a little uncomfortable to refer to myself as a taxi driver.

I will now think of myself as the driver on the journey to Independence.

And CHERISH the moments I have.

And be thankful I still have this girl at home full time!!

Day 5

2011-09-13T14:16:00.003-04:00

Ellie is enjoying her new year in school to its fullest potential. The best part of course is that she gets to go out to the playground TWO TIMES!! Sometimes THREE!!
She loves being a big kid, doing her work and wearing her backpack into school. She begs me not to walk her in. I usually follow behind and tell her to pretend I am not there. Today I was late and told her to walk in with Mya. Still not sure why she allowed Mya to put her hands on her shoulders and steer her into school but hey, whatever.
She brought two books home that she made in class last week and has been "reading" them over and over constantly. One a book about shapes and the other about creation.
I asked her to read the creation book to me. Each page has a number and on each number the students we asked to draw pictures of what God created that day. She read each day and when she got to day five she said "On day five God created animals and batman"
"Batman?" I asked. "Honey, God did not create batman"
"Yes he did, Mrs.Rozema said so"
"I am sure that Mrs. Rozema did not tell you that batman was created on the Fifth day"
"YES, SHE DID! She said that every kind of creature that flies was created on the fifth day, so I drew batman on the fifth day"

And so she did.
And that solves that mystery ;)

Captured

2011-08-10T19:57:00.001-04:00

Every once in a while,

Someone sees

my kids,

the way I see them.

And when their personalities

are captured on film,

Its a great treasure.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:20

Thank you, Walcott Imaging for your hard work!!

Dear 35,

2011-08-04T11:40:00.001-04:00

Dear 35 extra pounds,
I know, I invited you here. I know that every time I said "well, just a little won't hurt" I welcomed you to make your home. I know how cozy I made you with every cake, cookie, buffalo wing (oh the beautiful taste of the wing of a buffalo), with every lick of ice cream, every bite of steak and yes, every strip of glorious bacon.
But now, I am 35 and you are 35. And there is only so much of that # I can handle.
So its time.
You are being evicted.
I know you won't go if I don't make some changes around here.
And changes are being made.
Gone are your muffin tops, your saddle bags, your extra rolls. Be gone.
I am off to swim laps for 35.
And tomorrow? Walk for 35. and the next day and the next.
Good bye 35.
Hello new me.

2nd stop animation

2011-07-29T23:52:00.001-04:00

This is Jacob's second stop animation video. I already posted it to facebook but really wanted to put it here because this has become a great way to keep my memories straight.

Lunch boxes make me cry.

2011-07-28T10:18:00.002-04:00

I know its weird. They are like some crazy time machine that give me e-motion sickness.  I was not planning on buying it last night. But the time was right as we strolled through Meijer yesterday evening. We made our way our of the haircare isle towards the grocery section of the store and I tried to take a short cut through the seasonal department. My two girls stopped short. "SCHOOL SUPPLIES!!" they chanted. And, ok I will give them that one. I love paper and pens and organizers. LOVE. But I am not ready for what they represent.
A simple pink backpack was selected by my 5 year old and when I turned around to put it in the cart, there they were.
Lunch boxes.
Oh the memories.
     Oh the imminent,
           the unknown,
               the quickly approaching.
Ellie walked over and chose one with one of the latest teen stars on it. I counter offered with a princess one. We eyed each other and put them both back.

I found the cutest one denim with ruffles that came with glitter puff paint so that she could decorate it AND it had a spot for a picture from home. You know so she won't miss me too much while she is gone. ALL DAY.
She shook her head no and wandered the isles. I stood and waited and remembered.
Remembered
      when I myself carried a hard plastic lunch box with no insulation but a lunch box none the less.
      a certain bologna sandwich.
       feeling too shy to talk to anyone during lunch and feeling close to home as I pulled out the box.
        making friends and feeling grown up as set my box on my desk and chatted with those around me.


Remembered
     when she was born.
     how content she was to be by me.
     the sudden change from content baby to strong willed, wild child
     feeling like I would never get a break
     watching her every second for the next thing she would jump from, to, or on.

This one mom! I am getting this one!! I check it over. Pink with leopard spots. Leopards like to jump. Price is right.
Perfect.
She held it for most of the grocery trip. Clutched it all the way home, and showed it off to dad as soon as she walked in the door.
Soon she will be clutching it as she walks back out.
Lunch boxes make me cry.

Eyes wide open.

2011-07-19T12:56:00.001-04:00

We gather around our table with our 4 lively children. Fold your fingers and close your eyes we say. We offer them each the opportunity to talk to God, before Daddy thanks Him for the blessings we received that day.
They don't listen.
Their eyes remain open.
I perform my motherly duty while Dad leads the prayer time & try to quietly remind them that when we close our eyes it is easier to focus on God and what is being prayed for.

Then Ellie begins her prayer.

Thank you God for this day.

It is awesome.

her eyes dart around

The food is awesome.

My dad is awesome.

His work is awesome.

More eyes seeking

Grace is awesome.

Mya is awesome.

Jacob is awesome.

(Jacob hisses, I hate it when she does this.)

Mom is awesome.

Mason is awesome.

Windows are awesome.

People are getting restless

Chairs are awesome.

The floor is awesome.

The roof is awesome.

(Grace is desperately trying to scoop food onto her plate)

The couch is awesome.

Please don't die.

Amen.

Me:Ellie, God will never die

Ellie:Ok, can I have the ketchup?

I begin to wonder is it really easier for them to focus on God with their eyes closed? My precious child just related the fact that every little detail she saw, comes from HIM. And knows that he will listen to you no matter what position you are in or what you say. Do I really want to ruin the ease that she speaks to Him with?

Oh, I still believe its a good idea to close your eyes to listen to others prayers. To be respectful to them. But I don't think He cares about that one bit.

I think I will try it.

Then one evening, I tuck her in. She tells God what is awesome. And ends by saying. I hope you don't die, Amen.

Now we have gone over this several times and I am unsure what to say to her. She is extremely fearful of dying. Maybe because of her severe allergic reaction, maybe because with all of her action stunts my warnings are seeping through somewhere. I have told her that God is always here, that God won't die but its not sinking in. I have told her that Jesus died and came back but still she says this at the end of her prayers. So I try a different approach.

Me: Ellie, I need to tell you something. Jesus died.

Ellie, looks at me curiously and seems to ponder that for a few minutes. I let her. For those awful moments I allowed my daughter to think that Jesus is dead.

Ellie:Is Jesus still dead?

Me: Ellie, I think what happened was Jesus saw all the people he loved making bad choices and realized that He wanted to help us.

And he loved us SO MUCH so He came to earth and lived here like a man and died and then He changed what happens when people die.

Then he came back and he wasn't dead anymore.

JESUS IS MORE POWERFUL THAN DEATH.

and if we ask Him, He will live in our hearts.

Because if HE is in our hearts, when its time for us to die He will bring us to heaven.

Ellie:So Jesus lives in my heart?

Me: Jesus will live in your heart as long as you keep asking him to live in there and making the choices he wants you to make.

Ellie:Jesus, please stay in my heart so you don't have to die again.

Me: Honey, Jesus won't die again. He only had to do it once.

Ellie: Ok, I am thirsty.

And then there was last night. I usually say "Its time to pray" but for some reason last night I said "Ellie, its time to talk to God"

and she said "Hey God, I want to talk to you for a second..........."

Um, yeah so if any one out there can properly teach theology to 5 year olds, I could definitely use your assistance. For now I am learning from her.

Answered prayer (updated)

2011-07-13T21:46:00.002-04:00

***I did not realize that I made this video private. I fixed it.

Jacob has found summer vacation to be a bit of a letdown this year. He even told me, shortly after school ended, that maybe it would be better for him to be in school year round. So during his nightly prayer times for the last few weeks he has been praying for a new hobby. We saw some stop animation done by our friends and decided to give it a try. I think he is hooked.

This movie took him a few hours to plan, build and shoot and he loved every minute of it! This is 221 pictures in 18 seconds.

Enjoy! I know I did.

(I may be a bit biased)

http://youtu.be/MVKPcewfVVI

Favorite things

2011-07-06T14:57:00.000-04:00

Its simple

a smile,

Homemade jelly sammiches,

flowers,

coffee, princess bibles and a very lazy morning.

Sweet summer brought to you by.....

2011-07-02T21:24:00.000-04:00

TOTAL EXHAUSTION

Can we get some "down time" please?

a week in review.....

2011-06-17T22:32:00.001-04:00

The second week of summer vacation is done. I still have not had a chance to collect much less organize my thoughts. So I will share with you few moments and thoughts from the past week.

The week started at a family picnic. It was cool, sunny and beautiful. The objective? To get a picture of 10 happy children all together.

Mission accomplished. Someone will enjoy sending out their Christmas card photo this year. Please note we are not sure if Grace is making a funny face or not. We find her like that often. Her timing is great however.

The rest of the week was spent like this
wake up, basketball camp, lunch somewhere in town, swimming, errands, home. Or some variation of that.

The park we went to had a splash pad.

On Tuesday we went to the beach after swimming. As we left Mya threw up ALL OVER the beach. awkward. and sad. and really really gross.

One day this week I asked Ellie why she kept choosing not to listen. Her reply was
"I just can't get my head right"
interesting.

Outfit she picked out one really hot day. "could she BE wearing any more shirts?"

No one here seems to be sleeping well which is strange given the amount of activities they are involved in.
Some of them are not adjusting to a new routine very well and are stressed. Like cry yourself to sleep stressed.
Not cool.
They have all been leaving their beds multiple times to tell us they can't sleep. Do they think I can magically make sleep happen?
Nope, can't.

Last night my 246th visit of the night was from Ellie. She said " I have some good news. Really good. I GOT MY HEAD RIGHT!"
awesome. go to bed.

Meet Jacob.

Jacob is silly.

I am worn OUT. But mostly in a good way.

the race

2011-06-11T11:03:00.000-04:00

and so ends another school year. Crumpled papers and broken pencils line the hall. Sweaty kids, who thought they would run screaming with joy from the building, say good bye to their friends and teachers one last time. The papers are evidence of lessons learned. Broken pencils tell of hard work of the year past.

It was a long year, a hard year a good year.

And they are finished.

Or are they?

Are these kids equipped to face the world outside these walls? Are they ready to face life out from under the eyes of their watchful teachers and protective parents?

The rumors around and about this school say that they are. They are getting ready to run the race on their own. They are training.

The rumors tell of children who cannot wait until they are old enough to be buddies of friends with different abilities. Stories of children who stop on the playground to tell doubters Jesus loves you and so do I. Stories of hardships, friendships and missions.

So many, many stories. They are stretching their legs and getting ready to run.

This is a training ground. Private in name, community at heart. This training facility is not there to protect its trainees from the elements, but to prepare each and every one of them to be part of it.

At the end of every year the children are handed a baton. In the baton are messages from their teachers. Messages from each teacher they have had during their training. The messages tell of the spiritual growth the children have made during the last year.

In September the baton will be brought back and entrusted to the next teacher.

Entrusted. For training.

Mya and Mrs. Zwiep August 2010

Jacob and Mr.Bouman

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

The passing of the baton. Thank you to both of the teachers who worked with our children this year. Your passion, dedication and love helped prepare our children for the race God has placed before them. We are so blessed to watch your part of the training.

(the passing of the baton pictures were taken after the last day of school June 2011)

Snowpants and Sunburn

2011-06-01T21:03:00.000-04:00

So I have been reminded lately, by more than 1 person, that I am behind on the whole "blog"thing.
I say Pphhhhtt, Impossible. How can I be behind in my blog? Its an outlet. It doesn't have a due date! OK maybe I need to purge some things. Perhaps this would be good. But the stress of writing and being grammatically correct is something I won't deal with at this point so I will give all my thoughts in the way they come to me.
R~A~N~D~O~M~L~Y
Ellie won't stop asking me questions. Questions like: Why do we sleep in beds? Why does our yard have grass. Why do we have to grow up? And so on.
So the other day I finally asked her "Ellie, WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS?????"
And she replied (in a DUH MOM tone) Because I am a kid! We need to know things.
It was a good reminder

People complain about the weather a lot. THIS REALLY BOTHERS ME. Deal with it and get on with life. QUIT WHINING.

Grace is growing fast. Also she is running fast. She has inherited Ellie's habit of running as fast and as far as she can from you.

Grace pouts more effectively than any of my other kids.

My kids will not stay in bed.

Mya is too excited for her all day field trip tomorrow and too sad for the end of the school year to sleep.

Jacob has been taking piano lessons for a few years so that he could take drums. Sign up for this was last week. He signed up for trumpet.

I can't keep track of my own schedule and I am expected to keep track of everyone else's.

Mya is sobbing in her bed because I was not sympathetic enough.

My dishwasher has been broken for months and I refuse to let Greg buy another one until we got a great deal.

When Grace is naughty it makes me laugh. This is dangerous.

Jacob's meds are working great.

There is a ADHD medication shortage and every time we go for a refill I stress out. Glad he made it through the end of school. Dear drug company's, WOW, SERIOUSLY? Sincerely ME

I am enjoying digging around in my yard. Thinking of adding some pretty big flower beds. It makes me happy to see my kids all lined up planning and planting. Something we all enjoy.

Its bathing suit season.

Grace is finally starting to expand her vocabulary. New word this week WHHHYYY? I think Ellie is teaching her after they go to bed before they come out 3 billion times.

The other day the kids had Family Games day at school. They were outside all day. I told Jacob to put on sunscreen and he did not. He said he didn't need it.
He was wrong. It was in the 80s that day. As I was checking out his burn, he was taking his backpack out of his locker and handed me his snow pants.
That is because we live in Michigan AND because its Jacob.

My job description is changing. I like it.

I love my husband. ALL THE TIME. He is Fantastic

My vacuum broke. That sucks.

The air in my van broke. That blows.

The vegetables are planted.

I really want a composter. Not jewelry. A composter.

My spirit? Not broke.
So there I blogged. I feel better. Thanks for checking in.

OK, THAT IS IT, I AM TAKING YOU TO MY HAPPY PLACE.

2011-02-21T10:27:00.001-05:00

This is the day that THE LORD has made I WILL rejoice and be glad in it.

Another snow day has dawned in West Michigan. Well I guess its hard to tell that it dawned. This morning when the black night turned once again into a dull grey morning our news team reported that there is once again a snow day. I will not question them. I am just glad with all the flack you get when a snow day is called or not called that its not my job to make that decision.

I have noticed that the general mood of people in my area is, to put it mildly, negative.

So I am going to take you to my happy place(s).

This happy place was made intentionally on my part. I knew last summer I needed it for the winter months so like a good little squirrel when I saw little things that brought me happiness I gathered them and stored them here. I will give you a brief tour.

This is the windowsill above my kitchen sink. The JOY in the middle came from my good friend Beth. The splash of red, the word, and the person it came from make me happy. On the right and left side of the sink are very small vases. During the summer months they usually hold the little flowers (weeds) that the kids bring to me.

Taped to the right of my sink is the picture. Taken on a most wonderful day, with some fantastic children, in a fabulous spot last summer.

This makes me giggle, though my house wasn't really clean last week either.

This was written in a moment of reflection by Jacob.

It was not a homework assignment.

Some other happy things from the Fredrick's house today...

This is our pup. He does not seem bothered by the weather. In fact he seems quite cozy, don't you think?

SLEEPING IN!!!!

The beautiful roses I received last week are still beautiful and full of color.

Fully rested and ready to enjoy a snow day.

Who wouldn't be happy to spend the day with these beauty's?

And the Fabulous Grace helping herself to a bath this morning. Joy all around. Where will you look for your joy today?

Refusing naptime

2011-02-19T15:38:00.000-05:00

means having to improvise....

Grace began refusing naps a few months ago. I keep telling her that she still needs to sleep but she doesn't believe me......

Seeing clearly..

2011-02-08T13:43:00.000-05:00

Someone is seeing clearly for the first time in a long time

And aged several years as quickly as her new glasses went on her face.

Isn't she lovely?

Lets hope it helps with the pennmanship!

The perfect outfit

2011-02-06T08:40:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't it be nice if just for one day you could put on an out fit that matches your personality perfectly? And wouldn't it be nice if you could feel so comfortable dressed that way that you did not even notice all the people staring at you?

Wouldn't it be lovely not to worry about having your clothes match?

To be part ballerina, part gymnast, part daredevil and 100% yourself?

To not only wear your most favorite shoes but to be different enough to wear them on the wrong feet so you can see them better?

To be able to just be yourself and say HEY, this is totally me!

Even if I am a little jealous of my sisters new glasses.....

picky picky

2010-12-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

So tonight I made some chicken breasts for supper and left my family to go Eco Trekking. When I returned I was greeted with 2 notes.

COME ON! Who doesn't like chicken?

Mya's note held a little more resigned appreciation but please know that she did not like it either.

I am not able to take a picture of Mya's note. It reads

From Mya

To Mom

I am Thankful for the dinner that you give to me because I love you and because I do not want to starve and I do not want to die. I want to live. I love you.

I think this parenting thing could kill me yet.

But at least I will die laughing.

Here

2010-12-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

Here I Lay amidst doll house furniture and stuffed animals on the floor of Grace and Ellie's room. The castle night light doing its job in the darkness. In its dim light I see a crib blanket laying nearby, I grab it and try to fold my 5ft 11in frame underneath, to shield myself from the chill in the air. Grace has learned the moves of a most limber gymnast and began climbing out of her crib at an alarming rate.
It is 1:00 and she is spending her 1st night in a toddler bed. Notice I did not say she is spending her 1st night sleeping in a toddler bed.
In the darkness I hear her gasp and her small hand reachess down and snatches the blanket off of me. She giggles and arranges it on herself. NICE.
How did I get here I wonder? Shivering on the floor of my 3rd and 4th children's room, a plastic dad doll shoved in my back using a stuffed rabbit for a pillow.
There is no space for ME here and no time.
Its all them. I cook for them. I clean for them. (though they don't really appreciate when I do either). I drive for them. I encourage them. I laugh at ridiculous jokes for them. I speak for them. I spend money for them. I discipline them. I hold my tongue for them. And my least favorite, I fold socks for them.
Leaving no space and time for me.
Mothering is a selfless job.
I will not sleep this night.
I will stay by my youngest child's side and make sure that she knows that bedtime means you stay IN the bed. It will be 4 before she settles in and she will be out at 4:30.
My day begins at 7:30.
There is no one to take the day shift.
With coffee made by a man who is equally selfless.
He takes pity and helps get the oldest off to school.
I work the day away.
No time for naps.
For me or the babe.
I wonder how I got here. And how to be ME here.
Enjoy it people say. I am trying. Really. I grasp the moments as tightly as I can, I spend energy trying to make fun memories.
But sometimes trying to enjoy the daily routine is like trying to enjoy the water while being sucked under by the current.
I KNOW I will look back and miss it, but at the moment I have been swept away with the tide.
I know I will sleep again. As I lay on the floor it does not concern me that I will be tired tomorrow. After 4 children you become accustomed to spending a few nights without sleep. Eventually you will catch up.
The overwhelming task of parenting four children has me worn out.
Pulled under again and again by the strong current of a job that is never complete and always demanding.
As I am tugged, tossed and pulled by the current I realize that

IF He is

REFUGE,

SHADE,

MIGHTY FORTRESS,

DELIVERER,

MY FATHER IN HEAVEN,

Then He will be the BREATH I need to survive.

I have enough.

I am enough.

Here

Its thursday

2010-11-04T13:53:00.000-04:00

So last night I got in bed and was just falling asleep when I realized that it was Wednesday. You know as in work out Wednesday. Oops!

I had a great week. Not perfect but I learned a lot about myself. I am not taking workout Wednesdays lightly (ha ha) and am currently reading books and researching the best foods for me. Finding a planned out diet such as South beach is not going to work. There are 2 other people in our family who have special diet needs so a complete change of diet like that would be too hard for me stress and budget wise. Along the same lines while I believe it is the best plan weight watchers is not the best plan due to my budget as well.
This past week I counted calories, fat and sugar grams. I tried to eat things that gave me more bang for my buck so to speak. For instance when I felt snacky I ate almonds instead of a granola bar. More fat grams but better fat.
I did not hit my goal of 2,000 calories a day but I got close and realized that my trouble lies in what I throw in my mouth with out thinking. And portion control.
And even though I did not hit the mark I felt successful because I did SO much better than before and I learned so much.
I did not exercise much but I am still working on that.
Accountability-I met with my "accountability partner" today and we will be good for each other. I did send her a message this week about a certain slice of cheesecake. bummer. BIG BUMMER.
Plan~so my plan for this week is to continue trying to hit the 2,000 power packed calories and exercise more. I plan to walk/run 3times and do yoga or core fitness 2 times.
In order to be more accountable I will tweet when I exercise.

For those of you who are doing this with me, THANK YOU!! I am giving you an assignment. Please come back next week Wednesday with proof that you are participating, whether you give an excerpt out of your food journal, a picture of your feet as you walk, a great recipe or something fun.
Hope you all are having a great week!

Workout Wednesday

2010-10-27T08:24:00.001-04:00

So Anyway, I quit doing workout Wednesday a while ago, not because I lost weight but because life got hard and I got lazy. I have been encouraged to start it back up by a handful of people and now I am ready.

Ready for a lifestyle change.

Ready to not suck in my stomach every time I walk by a mirror.

Ready to not suck in my stomach every time I see people in public.

Ready to never have to lay on the bed to button certain jeans.

Ready to feel comfortable trying on new clothes.

Ready...

Since my baby fat has grown into, babies back's got back, I have a long journey ahead. I wanted to pick a plan before today but I want to make sure its the right plan for me. So this week I will start by making some guidelines for myself and continue to research different plans.

I would like to tell you that I am doing this to be fit. I would like to tell you that I am doing this for my mental health. I would like to tell you that I am following Gods command that and treating my body like a temple. I am not. I am doing this because I am vain. I don't like being this size. I would like to be able to be fun and energetic.

Anyway, here are the guidelines that I am setting for myself.

1. Find or make a diet plan and stick to it. I am still working on this. For this week I will consume 2,000 (nutritionally packed) calories a day. I decided that based on this web page.

2. Exercise 30 minutes at least every other day. I have exercise plans and videos from previous attempts. I think I should try to change things up. Brisk walk one time, yoga, Jillian, I want to keep it interesting and fun.

3. Be accountable-I have found a great accountability partner and hope to exercise with her from time to time. I am not sure HOW we will keep each other accountable we are working on that too.

4. Have a goal My Ultimate goal is to lose 35-40. To look good and have energy. My immediate goal is to make exercise and good eating part of my routine!

I know that there are people are interested in doing this. If you are please comment. I am not really all that interested in being the fat girl all alone. Unless there is chocolate. If you blog about it let me know in the comments too!

PS Thanks for the LOGO Liesl! I love it!

A poll.

2010-10-24T20:54:00.000-04:00

I asked for opinions on face book and thought I would just ask again on the blog..... I am interested in knowing which diet plan you have used that has been the most effective and would like to know pros and cons. Please watch for "Workout Wednesdays" again this week. First addition "Creating a solid plan".

Hope both of you had a great weekend.
~L

Sorting

2010-10-22T11:16:00.000-04:00

Life is overwhelming. So many things I want to do, be and see that I need to sort through, clarify and dump some things off of my brain. Its delicate you know, I must care for it.

SCHEDULE
My schedule has shifted greatly over the past few years. You know at first it was stay home with the kids, love it but yet you feel like you are stuck. I could go days without wearing make up and felt that the world was passing me by. But the washing of sticky fingers, reading stories, giving long baths, and watching sesame street with the them is such a blessing it is easy to overlook the drawbacks. My poor husband ;) Anyway my role now is stretching me. I am the mother of toddlers, preschoolers and school age kids. My days are still at home unless I am working. During that time I am always cleaning, laundering, grocery listing, or playing with the girls. My evenings are spent with homework, cooking dinner, and getting people ready for soccer or piano practices. Greg does all the driving for me so I can keep caught up at home. All I can say is I am glad we have a strong marriage because we really don't see each other much!! Anyway I get up at 6:30 to cook breakfast and it is go-go-go until 8:30 when the kids go to bed. Now that soccer is ending I am looking forward to a few evenings at home!

I am extremely excited to say that since school has started we eat breakfast together as a family. I am very proud of myself for this as I am not a morning person. This means that we eat 2 meals together everyday. (it also means that I am always cooking). It is a lot of work but it makes me so happy!

JACOB
Jacob is struggling a bit with his medication. We kicked off the year by finding out he had LOST several pounds over the summer. I am not sure if you have seen this boy but there is not much to him to begin with. I always have to pull the adjustable straps inside his pants as far as they will go. The weight loss is due to his medication and no appetite. He has worn the same size for about 2 years. This makes a mama sad. So this year has been operation make Jacob chubby. According to our scale he has made up what he lost, he is not any chubbier but all of his pants are shorter!!
As far as school goes he came home the first few days really not liking it. I think he has adjusted now but it was tough for a while. I have had several conversations with his teacher about focus and organization so we are working on that too.
This is the first year that Jacob has come home and worried about being popular. He says there are certain kids who don't let him play with them because he is not cool enough. I give him pep talks but you know.... He usually responds with "well you are my mom, you are supposed to think that"
So if you see him, love on him a little ;). Who are they to decide what is cool anyway????
Also the hyperactivity and the attitude have been a real problem. That is a whole post in itself really.

MYA
Loves 1st grade, chases boys at recess, and is a bit lippy. She started piano last week and loves it. Her new motto is to do what you are not told. Sounds bad but, I love this motto. It means she tries to do things before I ask. I will catch her scrubbing crayon off the wall and she will say "I am doing what I am not told!"
I.LOVE.IT!!!

ELLIE
Ellie started preschool. She loves it. She is not shy at all and asked me to drop her off at the door like the big kids. Sorry Charlie!! It is not only against the rules, I will be sticking by you as long as I can. These kids grow too fast and also she could cause a lot of trouble on her own. I know this girl just a little.
She was retested for her allergies just after the start of school and completely out grew her wheat and soy allergies. YAY! This is also a whole post in itself.

GRACE
What to say about Grace. She is a bit, shall we say temperamental? She is a combination of all the kids, funny,cute, rambunctious, adventurous, strong willed (more so than any of the others), with a bit of perfectionist thrown in. Perfectionist at 19 months you ask? Yes, watch her and you will see.
She is a climber and a colorer. When it comes to canvases she knows no limits. I mean really, no limits.

PROJECTS
I have so many half finished projects I don't know where to start. I planned on having the kids bedrooms redecorated by the second week of summer. Still working on that one. We have an unfinished family room that is driving me a little crazy. I need to make a bag for Mya for her piano books, I have mending, ironing, many, many unedited pics, pictures to order and put into frames and scrapbooks to finish. Plus Christmas is coming which means everything will be pushed aside while I do all the shopping, baking, wrapping and whatever special things the kids need for their classrooms.

ME
I spend my days in the kitchen avoiding allergens and trying to fatten up my son. Then one day I turn around while trying to pick out a new purse and I think to myself. "Wow this purse makes me look fat!" Yea Lisa, its the purse.
I have fallen off the diet wagon for sure. I guess workout Wednesdays will be starting again soon.
I need to start thinking about what I will do when I grow up. Christian school tuition is difficult and we have only 2 full time students.. I have something on the back burner but so far just thinking about it has caused me sleepless nights.
I am struggling with my ADD
GREG
He is awesome. I love him. I have never met someone so loving and giving that could be so cynical at the same time.

I have only a few months to work on my hundred things list. I think that most items will make it to next years list.....

Sunny, Soccer, Saturdays

2010-10-19T18:28:00.000-04:00

Sorry for our absence. We have been on one field or another. And loving every minute of it.

Either/Or

2010-10-03T19:46:00.000-04:00

I walked into Mya's room after she left for school and saw this.....

and heard "Grace did it!!"

So EITHER Grace is a 19 month old super genius, who can not only write ELLE but can levitate while doing it, OR

Ellie's pants are on fire.

Which one do you think it is?

Lessons in fearlessness

2010-09-06T13:53:00.000-04:00

I spend a fair amount of time trying to teach my kids to be cautious. Oh I am not one of those moms that pad everything in order to save my kids from bumps and bruises. I believe that bumps and bruises are lessons learned, so I pad nothing and even *gasp*neglected to use a baby gate for most of my children. (which resulted in G climbing up and down on her own at 11 month) but I digress.

While I teach my kids what could cause them serious harm they teach me valuable lessons in their own way.

Like how to be fearless.

Ellie watched Mya learn how to do cartwheels and decided that she could do them too. They had a blast this summer giggling and tumbling on the grass.

Mya can gracefully complete a cartwheel now while Ellie executes a part stuntman, part fighter move. Both beautiful, I believe.

THEN Mya started doing cartwheels into the pool. While she landed with style. Her sister would launch herself headfirst into the pool over and over. It had to hurt BUT she was fearless of the impending belly flops because the JOY of the leap, far outweighed the pain.

Of course being the youngest means that you sit and watch the older kids all the time ,constantly held back by your over protective parents.....Or not.

Grace will climb the slide over and over.

The thrill of the slide,

and her faith in Daddy

are stronger than the irritation of water on her face.

FEARLESS and FAITHFUL

big families

2010-08-09T09:58:00.000-04:00

Since my 4th (and final) child has turned from a sweet babe to a very active, funny, demanding toddler,I have noticed some changes in our family. We now have a larger than American average sized family. Here are some indicators that our family is large.
~It takes longer than a few moments to gaze lovingly at your family.
~after gazing lovingly for a few moments you realize that someone is missing.
~Your house has 2 bathrooms and there is still a line.
~Before you start bath/shower time you consider pre-soaping and lining the children up in the backyard.
~When you go grocery shopping you have one cart for the girls and one cart for the oldest to fill with groceries (also keeps him on track, woot!)
~during a thunderstorm you wander from room to room looking for an empty bed because yours is taken. You bump into your husband who is doing the same.
~When you get in the car you take attendance.
~When you go somewhere with less than 4 children and run into someone you know, they always say "Aren't you missing someone?" and you ALWAYS respond "Well, I wouldn't say I am missing them" Or "Oh My Gosh I forgot them, gotta go!"
~when you go anywhere in public you use the buddy system, earplugs, and blinders for the glares you get from all the noise.
~Laundry day has turned into laundry week.
~You call your son by the dogs name, your daughters names are interchangeable, your husband by your sons name and can't remember your own name.
~You start calling everyone lovey, or honey
~You have had someone climb on your lap while you are using the restroom.
~You have had someone climb on your lap and use you instead of the restroom

As my wise Grandma, mother of 8 said "I would not trade any of my kids for a million dollars but, I wouldn't give you a dime for another one"
How about you? How can you tell you have a big family?

2010-07-30T08:53:00.000-04:00

Today, this fun loving, sweet, mischievous, critter handling, baby loving, daughter of mine turns 7.

At her request we, will eat steak, chips and dip and watermelon. We will swim in the pool and her mother will make a barbie cake. Happy Birthday Amaya!
We love you!!

10 Things Tuesday

2010-07-27T22:09:00.000-04:00

10 Things Tuesdays! Ten things made you happy this week? Blog about ‘em! Ten things you want to do before the week’s over? Blog ‘em! Any ten things, any theme you wish, every Tuesday over at Magnolia Queen.

The amount of little projects around my house is pretty long. But when you add dealing with 4 kids to the list it seems overwhelming. In fact being a girl who is strongly influenced by her ADHD my work style is to motivate myself and work like crazy until everything is done. Any distractions that occur totally throw me. I am either totally on and totally off.
I think being ADHD and trying to clean is like being a NASCAR driver on a figure 8 track with roaming speed bumps. picture it. ANYWAY, I digress. I have quit trying to get anything "extra" done and have been very random in what gets accomplished here.
I was inspired by Hazel Nut to take part in 10 things Tuesday. I am hoping that the accountability and a list that seems within my grasp will inspire and motivate me to get some things done around here.

Here are my 10 things

1. Can the pickles from the garden. At least one batch has gone to waste because I did not have time to can them. The pickles that are ready now are oversized. I thought they were no good because of their size but I was told from a knowledgeable source to make them into pickle relish. I am looking for a recipe and hoping to catch the next batch of pickles can be canned as pickles. Keep your fingers crossed for me ;)

2. Finish the painting projects that were started in the girls room. I am soooooooooooo close to being done!!

3. Hang curtains in all the kids rooms

4. Paint the girls furniture.(2 dressers, 1 bed and 1 shelf)

5. Steam clean the van. It had some spots when we bought it and of course we have added more.

6. Clean house top to bottom, every surface dusted, vacuumed or polished.

7. Get up to date on all Dr appts and Dentist appts

8. Start preparing for back to school (schedules, supply lists, lessons, enrollment paperwork)
Those people need me on my A game whether I am motivated or not.

9. Take the kids to the beach. Yup, its on the list. I was raised believing that you should not play before your work is done. This is very difficult as a mom because, well, HELLO!!!!!!! the work is never done.

10. Order Family pictures.

I have a tendency to start projects and not finish them, I am hoping this keeps me on track!!

blah, blah, blah. Its just me flappin' my gums.

2010-07-27T00:25:00.001-04:00

I enjoy writing. I like sharing stories about my kids. Sharing humor, and hopefully helping other moms see that perfection is not necessary.
I just need to remind myself of that every once in a while. I have enjoyed reading peoples blogs and it is somewhat intimidating sometimes to see how eloquent they are. I have taken a break from reading and writing but now I am finally starting to "feel like it" again.
But this blog is not about them its about me, so there.
Today was the first day in a long time that we did not have to run here there and everywhere. I think my brain started to clear. I got caught up on house work and had some quiet moments while working to reflect. My brain works best when my body is busy. It has been so long since I had a moment like that. You know, comfortably busy but not rushed. So refreshing. It was also refreshing to have clean toilet bowls and dust free bedrooms.
Of course this is also the first day in a long time that someone was sick. Ellie has a fever. Tomorrow will mark day 3 so if she still has it we will make a trip to the Peds office.
There was a lot of laying around, reading, playing board games and watching TV for the kids. Ellie pretty much followed me around while I cleaned up around the house. Laying on beds, the floor and finally falling asleep on the couch when I let her meds run out. Yes, I let them run out AND I give her a low dose. If she is not miserable, she won't rest. AND we did a lot of reading and cuddling too. Have I mentioned how delightful she is? That is when she is not cutting her hair, which by the way she did 2 times so far this summer. Total # of self haircuts=6.Total # of haircuts she has given Grace=2. Total # of times I have had a total meltdown=mind your own beeswax.
We have had a busy summer with lots of swimming, beach days, swimming lessons, family time and so on.Its been wonderful. But as I saw today, its been a bit too busy for my kids. Jacob only left his room today to eat and he never turned on the PlayStation. That is when you know it is time for a break.
I have been feeling a little lost lately. I have no motivation, low self esteem and very little patience. I am not sure where that is coming from. Probably just the busy-ness of trying to make the kids happy and stay involved in others lives and keeping the kids brains active during these short summer months.
We have 4 weeks of summer left. I plan on spending time with the kids and taking things as they come. Preparing myself to organize 6 lives during the school year ahead.
Here are a few pictures of some of the fun things we have done so far this summer.

Fredricks Family

2010-07-19T00:28:00.006-04:00

The summer is flying by so fast my mind can only envision a few precious memories. The rest is a blur of sand, sunscreen and garden mulch. This summer is turning out to be one of THE most fantastic summers EVER. I have had time to write, but felt too much obligation to do so. If you know me you will know that obligation is a complete UN motivator for me. And since I was NOT obligated even though I felt obligated I choose not to. If that does not make sense to you then just read I didn't feel like it, so there.

I think I am back but, we shall see.

There is so much to update about that I am not sure where to start. So I will begin with our whole family together.

I took advantage of an offer I found on this lovely blog to have a free photo session with this very talented photographer. My Favorite Four letter F word is Free so it caught my attention. I have not gotten any professional shots in a long time because:

~They are expensive

~ I have to get all my kids ready and not just ready but ready in coordinating outfits with their hair done with matching bows, and faces clean and void of any scrapes and bruises and mosquito bites.

~While doing all the above I have to keep everyone happy and relaxed so that they feel like smiling.

~The thought of trying to watch other people get my kids to smile and cooperate makes me sweat. I am speaking literally here. And sweat is not pretty on family photos.

~In family photos I must get in the shot which means I have to find something to wear also have my hair done.

~As I mentioned its expensive but gets more expensive because relatives need copies. As we are working so hard to be debt free it makes no sense to me to go into debt passing out photos of the kids you are trying to save the money for.

~I don't really care for posed pictures. I love candid shots of my kids because they show more of their personality.

~I hate bribing my kids to get them to cooperate.

However, catching six peoples personality on a candid shot at the same time is almost as rare as seeing a unicorn out for sushi. (That would be incredibly rare because as I understand it unicorns are usually herbivores. I say usually because I don't want to be accused of stereotyping in any way shape or equine form).

And they did say free session, so I thought about it and reserved a spot. I told myself to relax. If I want candid shots, DO NOT STRESS over hair bows, matching shirts, clean shoes, smiling faces or sweaty pit stains. (OK wait I did concern myself over that one).

So my issues with this were resolved because

~free photo session with no obligation to buy if a child is throwing fits or someone has a booger that no one noticed or was too polite to point out.

~I told the kids to please choose and clean, stain free t-shirt for the top and something denim for the bottom. ~I told them they had to shower and comb their hair. When hair product and accessories were protested I let it go.

~With all the extra time I had not fighting with my kids over clothes and hair accessories, I took the time to shower and do my hair when my husband got home

~I put on extra deodorant

~The pictures on Walcott Imaging's website were informal and definitely showed a lot of personality. And I found absolutely no photos of almost and 9 yr old boys with their arms crossed glaring at their mother somewhere somewhere behind the camera. So I felt pretty confident that I could avoid that situation.

~The sessions were only 20 minutes long so I told them that if they could please cooperate and smile for 20 minutes Daddy would buy them Ice cream on the way home. So I technically avoided bribing them by tricking Greg into it.

In the end I was so excited with the results. I knew they were "us" even before I saw the shots.

I would highly recommend Walcott Imaging! Lisa was professional, personable, and caught exactly what I wanted.

The Fredricks Family 2010

My goal was to get 1 good picture of all of us, and maybe 1 with the kids. I figured anything else was gravy. After the family shots we stood around talking and Lisa snapped a few more pictures.

And got the gravy ;)

Jacob 8 (turns 9 August 15) Amaya 6(turns 7 July 30)

Greg and I

Grace wishes you a Happy Independence Day

2010-07-04T23:01:00.002-04:00

O'er the Laaaaaand of the Freeee

AAAAND the home

of the braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave.

Wooohooo!

Happy Independence Day!

Do you ever dream that you are falling?

2010-06-27T22:57:00.000-04:00

She always been an unconventional sleeper. I would find her on floor, in the closet or on the couch. She was so excited to get her bunkbed but did not care to sleep in it because she was afraid she would fall out......

I wonder why.

And yes, she is really sleeping.

At least we caught her ;).

belated

2010-06-22T23:17:00.002-04:00

She came through the woods, on the 2 track path from the pond. In one hand she held a fishing pole and in the other she held a bucket which contained a decent sized fish and not a decent amount of water. Unaware of the suffering she was causing the fish she wondered if she might be allowed to keep him as a pet.

As she came out of the woods the sun shone on her messy blond hair(who has time to get their hair done? Not this girl!),and the dirt that covered her was evidence that she had been hard at play and enjoying it. She walked between the 2 barns toward the house to inquire about her new find when she noticed something.

He noticed her hunched over the bucket in the driveway. His hands were made for work. Big, calloused, strong, and always busy. They were hands that loved to work. His hands stopped and He went to her, Laying the most gentle hands on her shoulders he asked.
"What do we have here?"
Tears threatened to leave clean streaks on her cheeks "I caught a fish Grandpa, I wanted to keep him but he won't swim anymore"
He looked at the fish "Looks like there was not enough water in the bucket, he died"
She looked into his eyes as the tears that had threatened began to fall.
"I am so sorry, I did not mean to... I'm sorry"
He was not a man to, shall we say, wax poetic. And he knew better to waste words when actions would teach better. "Its Okay" he said. "Wait here for me".
She sat by the bucket hugging her scabby little knees to her chest and swiped the tears on her freckled cheeks with her shoulder. Crying never felt natural to her.
He returned with a shovel and handed it to her. He picked up the bucket.
At the corner of the garage there was a bush. Other than a few instructions they did not speak until the hole was dug.
He handed her the bucket and waited.
Together they replaced the dirt.
After they finished he quietly said "Its too bad about the fish,but now, you watch, it will help the bush grow and be more beautiful and every time you see the bush you will remember your fish and that the bush is better because of it."
She looked at the fresh dirt.
"......And " he said, with that loving twinkle in his blue eyes, "maybe you will remember to put more water in the next bucket"

And she lived ever after, having been taught to take care of what you are given and look for the hope in everything.
Thank you Grandpa, you have helped me grow and be more beautiful.

Happy Fathers Day to all the strong, wise, loving men in my life.

Crazy, we are just a special kind of crazy..

2010-05-24T09:16:00.000-04:00

Have you ever listened to yourself and wondered where the heck all the the things you learned in the 14 years or so of school you endured? Ever wonder if people think your challenged? I have noticed a great amount of my intelligence wash out with the tide of motherhood. I mean seriously people. seriously. I think there is some sort of illness that comes with parenting. I have it and I believe I infected my husband.
Here is some crazy for you to sample. You will know if you are infected with this parental illness if you have heard yourself say any 2 of the following on the same day.

~Shut your mouth and eat your supper.
~Now please do what I asked because I don't want to yell at you.....DO IT NOW.. Yes, I know I said I didn't want to yell but you made me. No you didn't really make me, I choose it. I know. Sorry. WAIT! GO DO WHAT I ASKED YOU TO!
~No more talking. What?
~Where are your clothes? Get inside!
~ Get in here, You are filthy go back outside.
~Don't make me pull this van over......
~Go back to bed, I don't want to see you again tonight. (5 minutes later watching him/her sleep)
~Shut the door. SHUT the door. SHUT THE DOOR. Ugh, why do you always slam the door?
~Why did I put you in timeout? (a need a reminder)
~Myellie, Gr-Jacob!Whatever your name is, come here I need you!
~Who put shampoo in the toilet.
~I am not a referee, work it out. Don't talk to her like that. Apologize! I don't like the way you are treating each other. I am not getting involved. Alright I am sick of this both of you go to your room. I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS PLAYING AND GIGGLING UP THERE!! I SENT YOU TO YOUR ROOMS BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T oh wait...... NEVER MIND.
~No jumping off the counters.
~I know what I said. Just do what I meant.
You get the general idea. If you heard yourself say any of these crazy things you may be affected by this illness. Seek help immediately.
*Please tell me we are not the only ones. Anyone else hear themselves saying crazy things?

Brought to you by the ultimate, sweet Mothers Day SLAM.

2010-05-17T23:56:00.001-04:00

Since I have not posted in a while I have a little backtracking to do. Lets just go back to mothers day. This was my most fantastic Mothers' day ever. The Wednesday before I received 2 dozen roses in yellow, pink, red and white. They are still blooming :). Greg arranged to have the kids pictures taken and replaced the old ones in the frames. (This is huge to me, such a great gift!)Amaya made me a vase at school and put flowers in it. Also still blooming :). I was pampered, cooked for, had breakfast in bed, and had a very lazy, very pleasant weekend with the family. Weekend you ask? Yes, weekend because everyone knows mothers day is no longer mothers day its mothers weekend. On Sunday evening, just before tucking the kids in, I received one last gift. The card Jacob made for me at school.

He hates to write so the fact that he filled out this card made me pretty happy. I will save it forever, and it will always make me smile.

Here is the front. Isn't it sweet?

Here is the inside. He was asked to draw a picture of us doing something we enjoy together. When I opened it I was immediately concerned. so I asked for an explanation in my most politically correct approach. "Tell me about this picture Jacob"

J " Its me and you, see! We are playing monopoly because we enjoy it. Right? You like to play monopoly with me right?"

I looked at the picture again and wondered if I am angry more than I realized, or sad. Or if he thinks I don't enjoy playing with him. So I probe a little more.

Me "Of course I do honey, I love it. But if we both like it so much, why do we look so.....why do we look like this?"

J "Oh, yeah! That is how we look when we play........"

"..........I am getting an idea and you are confused!"

ouch.

disclaimer-I honestly laughed my butt off because this was so true. I am horrible with money and trying to make deals. I laughed so hard he got a little offended. He was very sincere in this card! So cute really!

Trying to keep the main thing the main thing. A rant or ramble.

2010-04-28T11:41:00.000-04:00

My to do list is so long and everything on it appears to be what I should do first. I must ramble to get my head on straight.
~3 girls will not play on their own today. 2 literally cling to my legs while the 3rd just keeps repeating my name over and over and over. I got them occupied so that I could get organized and as soon as I sat to do this, one opened the fridge claiming she was going to make her own lunch. While she gets things out, another sits by me and demands I make her lunch. The 3rd and smallest takes advantage of the open fridge and starts climbing in and chucking things. I love my life but this is frustrating.
I am motivated, caffeinated and energized. And I cannot get over this roadblock. I asked for 20 minutes. I received 2 tantrums and someone telling me I am a Meany. I am OK with that. for now.

~We took our house off the market. After a year and a half we decided to stay where we are and make it work for us. So we will be adding a bedroom. Ideas are swimming in our heads, plans for change being made. When and how this will happen we have no idea but 3 girls in one room is exhausting. I am happy we are staying. I am now at peace with it. I struggled for a while but at this point I am trying to be more receptive to what God wants from me and not what I want for me.

~My sister and I are thinking of starting a business and signed up for a craft show. Its next week and we are very unprepared.

~ Have you seen my husband? He has a similar list and we are like 2 ships passing. When the kids are awake we give them the best of what is left of us and after bed we are too tired to talk. TO be honest I am more of a pontoon boat floating aimlessly but that is neither here nor there. (he he). I am hoping to get in a date and some quality time this weekend. I love that man. He is the best.

~I am looking forward to summer break. Swimming. Jumping on the trampoline that we bought the kids.
Oh yeah we bought a trampoline. Taking turns is hard. But they get really whiny if I don't share. Seriously I love it. Makes me feel young. Hopefully not too many neighbors can see me. We are planning to dig a hole and bury it in the yard for safety reasons in case you are wondering.

~Jacob has not been himself lately. It seems like his ADD meds completely stopped working overnight. So much so that I started looking around to see if he was hiding his medicine. He is not. BUT he has been extremely disrespectful and quite mean and hyper. This is not like him at all. He also started to struggle at school at the same time. I scheduled an appointment with the doctor and have his teachers journaling for me. I am also going to read love and logic again. Does anyone have a copy I can borrow?

~I started getting out the summer clothes last week and switching out the clothes they have outgrown. This is a big project with 4 kids. The totes we bought were cheap and smell bad. I have washed all of the clothes and the smell just does not want to come out. The totes have been dumped and mixed up (by children) more times than I can count and now our laundry is so backed up I cannot walk into the laundry room.
I am hoping to turn the corner on this project this afternoon.

My 20 minutes are up and I have 3 girls staring at me with pleading eyes. Apparently the hour between snack time and lunch is far too long for their tummy's.
I'll get you next time blog world...Next time.

My plan is to improvise.

2010-04-21T21:42:00.001-04:00

That's kind of dumb isn't it? I never read directions first and always start out doing things on my own and refer back to the directions if I need them and can find them.
BUT I thought I would try to make a meal plan like I have seen on this lovely ladies blog. I ran late Monday morning, things got crazy and I decided to give you my menu list and recipe after dinner. Glad I did because everything changed. Maybe you will see why after you read the recipe.

This is a favorite meal for our family.

Meat Muffins (like meatloaf but takes less time and less electricity from the oven)
3 t egg replacer 4 T warm water mixed. (You can substitute 2 eggs)
1/2 cup original rice milk (You can substitute cows milk)
1/3 cup grated rice Parmesan cheese (You can substitute parmesan cheese made from cows milk)
1/2 cup chopped onions
1t Worcestershire sauce
1T Italian seasoning
1lb ground beef
1lb ground sausage

1cup ketchup
1T Worcestershire
1/2 cup brown sugar

The recipe directions varied a bit from what I did so I will give you what I did. I promise you can't ruin this recipe.
Mix egg replacer and water. Add potato flour. Mix until you get cement. Rinse out bowl. Mix egg replacer and water. Add rice milk THEN add potato flour, mix well. Add seasoning, Worcestershire sauce, 2lbs ground beef and 1 lb ground sausage. Mix well. Always start with a spoon then give up with a disgusted sigh and mix with your hands. Notice the bowl is fuller than usual and the mixture does not look the same. Stop and think. (new for me, just trying it out). Remember that when I sorted the ground beef from Sam's club for the freezer, I did it in full pounds instead of half lbs and added twice the amount. Go back and double the rest of the recipe. Wonder what I am going to do with an extra set of meat muffins. Scoop the meat into 2 muffin pans. Change mind about Tuesdays meal and change it to Spaghetti and meatballs. Put the first pan into the oven at 350 for 30-45minutes. Take meat out of the second muffin pan, form into meatballs put on a foil covered broiler pan. Bake for 20 minutes.
Clean the kitchen, set the table, put in the new waffle fries I found at Costco that are not made with any wheat or soy ingredients. YEA! Put the veggies on. Pour water into glasses. Realize you never added the sauce. Mix it up and throw it on top of the meat muffins. Take out meatballs to cool and save for tomorrow.

And it was still great, everyone had seconds!!
So I am going back to my plan to improvise.

Finding Joy Friday.

2010-04-16T09:25:00.000-04:00

Its Friday. I am happy it is Friday. This song has always brought me joy. Gather your kids around and show them some true entertainment.

Jim Henson was genius. This show is a favorite childhood memory. Pure genius I tell you.
Please let the Muppet's bring you joy on this, the most anticipated day of the week!
Happy Friday!

Cute and creepy.

2010-04-15T10:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I get the creepy feeling like I am not alone.

Like no matter where I am, someone is watching me.

It is very creepy.

No matter how cute the little peeper is.

Hold Fast!!

2010-04-09T08:15:00.001-04:00

I started a blog post this week. It was a big one. It was beautifully worded, eloquent, and had a great flow about it. It was pitiful
I have been busy lately. So busy, that one day when I was driving home, I realized I have been running around in a sort dazed (and confused) state.
I have been so busy meeting every little need, most wants and some desires, that I lost sight of myself. I had an epiphany that my biggest dream currently was to have the laundry done, house clean, van clean and the cupboards stocked all at the same time.
My dream was for everyone in my house to be content. Except my contentment cannot come until theirs does.
And wow, did I feel sorry for myself all of the sudden.
I remembered a poem that I learned in High School by Langston Hughs

Hold fast to dreams
for when dreams die,
Life is a broken winged bird
that cannot fly

Hold fast to dreams
for when dreams go
life is a barren field
frozen with snow.

~Langston Hughs

That's right, I had a poem to go along with my self pity. I envisioned myself a broken winged bird. I keep trying to take off. but alas I cannot. Oh the angst.
I did not finish or publish my post (thank goodness). I wanted it to be perfect. The phrase Hold Fast kept repeating in my head as I allowed myself to fully take on the Martyr complex I have almost perfected. There is even a song by Mercy Me, that kept coming to my mind and I was thinking about working it in.
Hold fast.
I was driving while I worked on this post in my head
Hold fast.
And a voice spoke to me
Hold Fast.
It was the man on the radio.
Hold Fast.
Not like some voice from nowhere (but kind of) so I did not freak out.
Hold Fast.
And he said "the verse for today is Deuteronomy 30:20 and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

And in my brain my post came to a screeching halt. (can you hear it????)
This was no coincidence. He may have used a voice from the radio, but He was speaking to me.

I went home and looked it up on bible gateway (because I can never remember what Jacob calls the address.) I found where it came from. And I found "Hold Fast" in Deuteronomy.
Deuteronomy in context, is a book written by Moses. He is explaining to the Israelites what community should be and how we should act in relation to the law that God gives.
And when you read law please don't read rules. Gods laws really are not the rules that we should live by. They are the pledge that he made because he LOVES US. If you want to read more about why I believe that you can do that here.
Hold Fast is actually repeated several times throughout the bible.
And it hit me that while I thought I had lost myself and my dreams, what I had really lost was much bigger than that.
God loves ME. And while I was chasing the ghost of a well kept home, clean well behaved children and trying to fill a perfect mom image. He was holding on to me.
The lesson that I am learning here?
My dreams for myself are never greater than His dreams for me. If I HOLD FAST to his love for me I can live my life in the Spirit. If I live my life in the Spirit the possibilities are endless and delightful. And He will provide for me. Not contentment, Fulfillment.

The poem I was reading is no less true, but my dreams have changed direction and I am holding fast to them too. You see my dream now is to Hold Fast and let God show me what is important. He provided me with the family of my dreams and my focus was on the house we live in and the way I look to others.

This does not mean my life will always be easy or that nothing bad will ever happen. Or that I won't ever let the pitiful dreams over take me and hold me. Or that I will never live out my martyr complex again. But I will remember to Hold fast to him.
I deleted that pitiful post and found hope.

And now today, I will also focus on another dream he fulfilled!

A thought

2010-04-07T22:51:00.002-04:00

The other day I was hustling the kids out of the van, unloading the groceries, giving Grace a snack, mentally planning supper, answering the phone and I had a thought....
I don't remember what it was but I think it is noteworthy that it happened.
I am tired.
I have no time for reflection.
In the "old days" moms never got a day off. They were too busy making their own soap and adding mud chinks to the logs in their cabins.
They did not get to start the dishwasher, quick run to the store, check their face book page or any of the other things that I find make my life easier.
And yet I wonder. Did it make life more rewarding?
Did people realize that moms were an absolute necessity? Were they more respected because they were needed for survival?
Ever wonder about these things?
Ever notice we seem to be running in circles with everyone else's purposes in mind?
Ever wonder if siblings would get along better if they had more responsibility. If they were depended on for things, would they see more value in each other?
Think of themselves less?
Ever wonder why kids these days seem to have no respect?
I do...
Now if I could just find the time to finish a thought.
Just the little things that I think about when I have a spare moment.

weekend rambles

2010-04-03T21:19:00.002-04:00

I have lots of posts in my brain but whenever I go to retrieve them I forget the password. Its been a great week. Unfortunately, I did not get my computer flu shots this year and it came down with something nasty.

Every time I turned it on there were sirens and bells and lights flashing. I though maybe apocalypse, but alas, it was just a virus attacking my memory. My computer memory!

I sent it to where computers go when they are contagiously ill and today I was told it could come back home. Yay!

Its been warm here, which is odd for March and April in Michigan. Us Michiganders are walking around like we are on crack. I mean we are giddy, running around like crazed people and looking at total strangers in disbelief. I have actually had people I don't know, say "Do you believe this??" (I am pretty sure they were talking about the weather!) People at the grocery store were wearing tank tops. I know because I had to put my sunglasses back on.

Today was cool and rainy but the sun should return tomorrow (Very appropriate for Resurrection Sunday.)

Grace was not sure how to deal with the the 70 to 80 degree temperatures!

She thought she would take a little dip. I had told her all about kiddie pools but I think she misunderstood.

And the dog started questioning my sanitation and sanity.

confessional II updated

2010-03-25T22:06:00.003-04:00

****For those of you judging me for wearing a sweatshirt that is 17 years old, just wait it gets better. You see when I wear them I think of their value! I judge their value by price per wear. Their price per wear (calculated by an equation taught to me by my dad) is $.07.
$20 x3(shirts)=$60
Worn once a week for 17 years 52 x 17=884 divide $60 by 884 and you get .0678733 (blahblahblahh round up!!) *****

original confessional

OK, its time. Past time. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy past time.
I know there are those of you who might see me at the elementary school 2 of my children attend and wonder about me.
How does she find the time to dress that way? Well let me tell you, I have 3 of the same sweatshirts, I got them in high school over 17 years ago. I rotate them on my different cleaning days.
How can she get her hair to do that? Well on a normal morning I get everyone ready for the day and run out of time for myself so I often get to the door and then have to run back down to the bathroom and try to fix it. Sometimes I forget altogether.
She cleans all the time, I bet her house is spotless. You mean there is a house under here somewhere?? I better keep at it.
How does she keep up with all those kids? Shock collars.
Actually that last one is not true. But the others are!
I did a post like this a long time ago when found I was comparing myself to other moms way to often. Seeing there successes did nothing to encourage me. Instead I wondered why I can't be the way they are. I bring myself down and then I rip them down. Instead of talking to them and commending their success, I comfort myself in the fact that they can't be as perfect as they seem and mentally take them down a notch. Yeah, that is healthy, right? I am doing it again, so I am here to air my dirty laundry.
Actually that would take too much work and would really stink so I am just going to make some confessions and hold my head high.
I have found that if I forget a load of laundry that has been left in the washing machine for too long a 1/2 cup of baking soda and another short cycle and that bad smell is gone. Since I figured this out, I have gone through almost 1 jumbo box of baking soda. I had to steal the one out of the kitchen for back up.

Greg just went to Tennessee for 5 days. REPEAT! I was alone with 4 kids for 5 days. How did I survive? WELL, I bought paper plates and still ran the dishwasher everyday. I also bought the kids TV dinners (do they still call them that?) and I bought some fast things for Ellie too. I did not cook all weekend. On Saturday I stayed in my bed until 2 (on and off) I brought Graces toys in my room so she could play while she was up and let the other kids watch movies. I bought 3 new movies and they watched them non stop on Saturday.
(Everyone was actually very calm and happy on Saturday. I think it was a gift from above and I am not lying). I got up at 2 put some clothes on washed my favorite Pj's and as soon as they were dry I put them back on.
I also took my laptop into the bathroom one night and watched Princess Bride while taking a bath and having a glass of wine. IT WAS AWESOME.
I also ate a whole container of hummus in one sitting without noticing.
We had a showing yesterday and in my haste I shoved 3 loads of clean laundry into the dryer.
I waited until my husband left and rearranged the furniture BACK to where it was before he moved it in the first place. I actually feel guilty about this. Guilty and much more happy with the feng shui, but still guilty.
I rejoiced when the last fish took that spiral swim this week.
I ahem, in my haste to get ready for the showing stashed the bowl into the garage (hubby's area not mine) and promptly forgot about it until just now when I was giggling over the spiral swim.
I let my dog out when cats poop in the sandbox. I also point out the kitties and cheer him on. Sorry, cat lovers!
I got rid of my old embarrassingly dirty minivan and upgraded to a clean van. I am tortured over it. AND.SO.ARE.MY.CHILDREN. Much yelling has been done thus far. YELLING.
I try not to go into school to pick up my kids anymore because its too stressful and the only reason I don't (gasp) leave the little kids in the van is I am pretty sure Ellie could figure out how to hot wire it or be running through the parking lot naked when I get back.
Is that enough confessing?
I am sure I didn't look perfect before but somehow letting myself laugh at those imperfections puts me in the mood to try to overcome with a happy heart.
Happy Friday!

a gift

2010-03-21T20:09:00.000-04:00

She climbed up on my lap and said: "I love you mom. And gave me a huge hug."
I wrapped my arms around her and said "I love you too!"
Ellie "No, not like that do it like this!" And she nuzzled her head into my neck and sighed.
So I did that same
Ellie "See, that is nice because God gave it to us!" And she hopped down to go play.
God gave it to us indeed

Grace

2010-03-20T21:27:00.003-04:00

Grace on her 1st Birthday

(I am not a fancy person but I could not resist the flower headband. She did however resist so I am sure I won't be buying more!)

Our hands were full. We had so much that by the end of the day we were exhausted. Not much left to give. But we were a very happy family of 5.

Then one day, I felt sick.

And then the next.

Then, the day I painted the bathroom, I felt so dizzy I thought I would faint. I felt nauseous enough to vomit.

And reality hit me, it hit me like a ton of diapers.

I. WAS. PREGNANT.

This was unexpected. Very unexpected. And though we loved the baby from the time we knew she was coming, the thought of having 4 children was very difficult for us. Added to that adjustment was the fact that my main pregnancy ailments are extreme exhaustion and nausea, which made it difficult to care for the 3 kids we already had.

Fast forward 9ish months to that moment. Wait no this moment.

When we met Grace face to face. A happy family. Much more so.

Gods grace can be shocking at times ;)

She is a wonderful girl and I can't believe she is a year already.

What she does:

*She finalized the switch to cow milk today!! This is very exciting for 2 reasons. 1) It is so much cheaper than formula and 2)my last 2 girls never successfully made the switch. They both drink rice milk which almost as expensive as drinking formula.

*She walks/runs-10 months 3 weeks

*She eats the same foods we do at dinnertime. Breakfast is milk and fruit and lunch is usually leftovers, toast with sunbutter and jelly or yogurt.

*She says some words and some noises that will become words! When she sees the dog she either grunts or very clearly says GIT! (this is because he begs for food from her while she is eating!) She says daddy and also will say eooooooooo! when you put a phone up to her ear. (it means hello) We also believe she is trying to say Ellie (she usually yells this, just like her mommy) and Mya.

*On her birthday she surprised me by pushing away the barricade I made at the top of the stairs and climbing down all by herself. I caught her on the 2nd step but she did not notice me standing there until she was on the last step. At which point she started crying as if she did not know how she got there! She already knew how to go up but getting down was a problem. Now she can go down in no time flat although I still stand behind her just in case.

*She loves to dance and anytime there is music or any sort of rhythm she will dance to it. Including the dishwasher and the clothes dryer!

*She can pull the cushions off the couch and climb up. She is trying to jump like Ellie. Lord help me now

*And she has begun to throw tantrums. Cute really, compared to the others I have dealt with!

I will add more pictures later but blogger is soooooooooooo slooooooooooooow right now!!

To Savor:

2010-03-18T06:05:00.004-04:00

to have experience of:TASTE b:to taste or smell with pleasure: RELISH c:to delight in: ENJOY: Savoring the moment

Today, she was crying even before she woke up. I quickly went to her room so that she did not awaken the other girls.

I asked what was wrong and she said something incoherent and I realized that as soon as I had gathered her in my arms, peace had claimed her once more.

It was 5:30.

To early for her to get up, too late to hassle with trying to put her back in her own bed.

Greg had already left for the day so I tucked her into my bed and turned the lights on dim lest she wake up confused about where she was.

Such things tend to rattle her.

As I covered her with the thick warm blankets I thought wryly that she can even zap my energy while she is sleeping.

I climbed into bed and as I situated myself, she rolled over to me and tucked her hands tightly under her cheek.

I savored the stillness and studied her.

She has gotten longer lately and the roundness of toddler hood is fading away.

Her skin has been more clear since the big "diet change" and she has taken on the healthy glow of a child who has been able to be outdoors the last several days. Running, jumping, climbing, digging, swinging, riding bikes and "helping" the neighbor install siding.

Her lashes lay on her rosy cheeks and as I look I notice she still has the impression of dimples where her fingers begin.

(One of my favorite things in life are the dimply fingers of a toddler)

And her hair has finally lost that choppy, I found my moms scissors again, look. I am hoping that will go away entirely with her next haircut.

She has some sort of homing device and as I adjust myself more comfortably in bed she curls into me and wraps her arm around my neck.

There will no more sleep for me this morning.

I am treasuring the stillness and clinging to the last few minutes of her toddler years.

juggling

2010-03-14T22:10:00.001-04:00

She circles the busy parking lot looking for the right spot. It has to be the one next to the cart corral or there could be trouble. On this particular day there is no time to waste. The school day is almost done and the supplies must be picked up soon or there will be a trip with all four children.
She pulls the best spot she can find. Making the plan as she positions the van between 2 vehicles, and hoping there is enough space that her vivacious 3 year old will not be tempted to bump, dent or put her hands all over them.
She slowly turns the key and the engine becomes quiet. The 2 girls in the back look up at her and the 3 year old takes one moment to spring into action. The mom takes a deep breath and says "WAIT!"
"Do you have all your things? Don't forget your backpack!" She does not see through her mothers request. The backpack is not important but the mom needs to use the extra time to grab the coupons, diaper bag and baby. She is in the middle of unbuckling the baby when her daughter bolts for the door.
"WAIT" says the mom, except this time she is ignored. The mom grabs her child's coat as she makes to jump out of the other side of the van. "I need your help with this button. She lifts her over her sisters car seat and puts her on the ground. The child turns to run again. But the mom has position the child so that E is pinned between her knees. She unbuckles the baby as quickly as she can, throws the diaper bag over her arm and squats down by the girl.
"Its dangerous to run in the parking lot, you could get hit by a car or lost!!"
(Inside the mom ROLLS HER EYES as she has to say this every single time they get out of the van)
The mom lets her push the button to the automatic sliding door.
She grabs the girls hand to walk into the store. The girl protests by wriggling her arm to try to get away. There is a struggle which usually ends in the girl being half dragged or carried into the store. The trip begins, as many trips do, in a time out near the fruit section.
The mom puts the groceries under the cart so that the girl can be comfortable in the back. There is no way she will be allowed to walk. The girl has proven on each and every time that she has been given the opportunity that walking will end in a wild goose chase. She can't be trusted.
The mom turns to check labels, coupons and prices and the girl climbs out of the cart at every opportunity.
They are both on edge.
They both need space.
They both need to figure out a better way to do this or there will be problems.
The mom would LOVE to be able to give her a chance, to work something out with her but the issue is safety.
WELL this mom has had enough.
I entered a giveaway that could make my errands much less stressful.
If you would like to check it out click here.

BFF

2010-03-12T21:05:00.000-05:00

Grace has a BFF philosophy.

If you have fur,

real or synthetic

you are in the BFF club.

So if your are a little hairy

be prepared for long talks,

hair do's

and snuggles

She takes her friendships very seriously.

spring cleaning

2010-03-09T22:09:00.000-05:00

I started spring cleaning the other day and sent my 2 middles out to play in our thawing yard.

Which caused me to tweet.

WHAT.WAS.I.THINKING.

Honestly I got nowhere. If you can't tell.

And everyone got crabby.

I think Ellie even thought that I was acting like a.......

well a....

you know.

Rocking the night away

2010-03-02T23:18:00.002-05:00

I am in my Rocking chair.

The same one I was in a year ago.

I could not sleep long.

Actually,

For most of the night I could sleep for 5 minutes

and then would wake up

in pain

and rock in my chair.

When the pain would subside I would chide myself

for being such a

wuss,

And then fall back asleep.

I was a little clueless

I guess.

About how

going into labor with out

induction drugs

felt.

And so I rocked.

I did the only thing that I could.

Well, not the only thing.

I rocked and I prayed.

Because to me labor and delivery

Magnified my connection with God like no other time.

I rocked and I called on God

Until morning came.

We went to the hospital.

Where I was prepared to be called

a wuss

and sent home.

We stayed.

The pain was such that it SWALLOWED me.

I can finally articulate

exactly

how I got through the contractions.

They were one long prayer.

Father God,

I CANNOT

handle the pain.

but you can

CARRY ME THROUGH IT.

Help me relax every muscle

so I do not fight the progress.

And keep our baby safe and healthy.

(repeat)

Every 5 minutes

All night long.

And through the pain and struggle,

I felt SAFE.

Isn't it amazing how labor can prepare us for motherhood.

Because a year later here I sit in my chair.

Rocking my baby.

Each time I gave birth to one of my children,

I started laboring again.

Laboring into the kind of mother

God wants me to be

for each unique blessing.

Father God,

I CANNOT handle

the responsibility,

but you can

CARRY ME THROUGH IT,

Help me relax every worry,

doubt, and frustration,

so that I do not slow progress

Keep our babies safe and healthy.

Amen.

I can't believe its been a year.

Chip on my shoulder.

2010-03-01T21:45:00.002-05:00

***this was written as the thoughts came into my head. It is mostly meant for me, therapy if you will, to work through a situation. I am not looking for pats on the back or pity. I have a challenge set before me and before I take the steps to overcome my challenge I need to work through my emotions a bit. We do appreciate prayers in this situation.***
All I have ever wanted to do is be a mom. Well that is not true. I have wanted to do other things but if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I would have said "a mom".
Now you can't really just plan on that when you are graduating high school. During my somewhat rocky after high school years I decided to take childhood development courses. I loved them. Then I got a job at a local Christian Daycare Center.
I really loved it there. There were some amazing kids. Some of them were very challenging. I really enjoyed trying to figure out what made the challenging ones tick. Most of the time I was fairly good at it.
Then I became a mom.
I have been able to apply my knowledge to my first 2 kids fairly well. They throw us for a loop sometimes but we recover and it is all good.
When Ellie was born we were so blessed with an extremely happy baby. So extremely laid back that people used to comment on it in public. Her calm, quiet ways amazed me.
But things change. The calm, quiet baby turned into a rowdy 14 month old and then some how turned from rowdy to mischievous to an often unhappy, nervous, agitated almost 4 year old. And when she is not happy or comfortable no one is.
I am beginning to feel that this is not a phase. The tantrums are growing and her anger is building. I was OK with mischief but when my baby girl has nightmares night after night and is so afraid of everyday things that she needs to hide or be held the worry begins to creep in.
THIS IS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
When you have 4 kids there is a lot of action. A lot of things to keep track of. Schedules, naps, allergies, meals, you name it. And when you throw someone in who may or may not throw a tantrum for 45 minutes because she was asked to wear tights, it is extremely difficult to not be a "reactionary" parent. I must say that most of the time that is what we are. We have no idea what we are dealing with.
But we know who we are dealing with.
In this situation what comes to mind where in the world is the potter and the clay? Ellie can't tell us how she is feeling or why she is acting this way, it is up to us to figure out how to help her. This means WE must change. We are Ellie's parents and we need to learn how to be the best parent we can, for her. But I am not clay. I feel like stone and I am being chip, chip, chipped away painfully into what God wants me to be.
Being chipped into something else hurts, it is something I feel like fighting against, and it is absolutely EXHAUSTING. There are times when I am so tired that tears just well up in my eyes for no specific reason and I just want to bury myself in my bed and not get out.
But we are hanging in there. Ellie is such a blessing. She has the most genuine smile and her eyes have a sparkle. She says awesome things like "I named my bum princess and I just tooted out my princess" and she loves when people cook for her. She LOVES her grandparents and jumping. Good grief she is always jumping. She is incredibly independent and really smart.
It makes me feel so inadequate as a parent to not know what on earth she needs.

Calming the storm

2010-03-01T09:12:00.000-05:00

I was reading comments yesterday and glanced at this picture. I love this picture. I mentioned to Greg, sort of kidding that this picture makes me think of Jesus calming the storm.

The fact that we both stared at it and sighed instead of laughing was a testament to our day yesterday.

There is a song that says "sometimes He calms the storm and other times He calms his child."

I will take either thankyouverymuch.

Help!!

2010-02-28T13:54:00.002-05:00

I am helping throw a baby shower this weekend and need some fresh game or party mingling games.
It will be a brunch shower.
Suggestions are needed!
Thanks!

Firecracker

2010-02-27T17:19:00.001-05:00

Ellie did a very interesting thing the other day.

She ate a firecracker.

Not only that, she ate a fire cracker with sunbutter (made from sunflower seeds)

She LOVED it.

And I watched her the whole time with a happy heart.

But don't worry.

Her firecrackers are what we call graham crackers.

And when you figure out why she calls them firecrackers you are going to say that my kid makes a lot of sense.

And you might even start calling them firecrackers too.

I know I did.

Dealing with a salesman.

2010-02-25T21:13:00.000-05:00

Before last week, I had no good memories of dealing with salespeople.

Then I learned they are not all pushy and in it just for the money

In fact they could prove to be excellent researchers......

good listeners........

Pleasant,
helpful,
funny

And down right good looking.

Though he did make fun of me a little but thats Ok I got him back by taking pictures!!

He even babysat while we got paperwork done. And could keep up with our Ellie.
So if you are in Grandville look up Scott at Harold Zeigler.
Tell him his cousin sent you! ;)

Family Movie night.......Dutch Style

2010-02-19T12:20:00.004-05:00

The liseters dictionary defines dutch as"if its not free its not cheap enough, don't invest"

Recently combined with some family members we had a dutch movie night. A good time was had by all. Especially those who got groceries sans kids

My final farewell.......sort of

2010-02-16T20:16:00.002-05:00

So long facebook. Lenten season is upon us and I feel you are robbing quality from my life.
I know that some people say that the relationships that are made, reintroduced and nurtured on you aren't real but, I don't believe that for a second.
I have reconnected with old friends, gotten to know acquaintances better, and stayed in touch with the people that are in my life now.
All without anyone knowing who was screaming, in time out, or still in their PJ's.
I have laughed.
Seen encouraging bible verses.
Taken on prayer requests.
Taken part in some controversial conversations.
In essence I have seen that it is possible for a stay at home mother of four to have real adult interaction.
Even if it is on a screen.
But facebook, why oh why do you have to be so addicting to me?
I give you any free moment and even rob my children of fun, just to see who has updated their status and who I might chat with.
Face book if you were fattening I would weigh 600 lbs.
If I could just visit you in moderation we would not be having this problem
So, sorry facebook.
Its not you its me.
And I am needed elsewhere.
So I will see you some other time.

Dear God,
I took care of it. Now, lets talk........

Wow.

2010-02-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

Thanks to everyone for all your prayers and words of encouragement! I have an Amazing Support System.(was thinking of using an acronym BUTT decided against it)

My spirits lifted quickly after the words and prayers and hugs it was really unbelievable.

Thanks!!

I did the drive of shame yesterday to school.

You know, seeing parts of your van left behind at home is quite a humbling experience.

When I pulled back into the driveway, I was pondering my daily challenge. How to get everyone and all their stuff into the house and put away. And I saw IT.

I glanced through the garage window and there was a box by the front door.

I didn't order anything.

Arms full of baby and other miscellaneous objects I made a mad dash for the door and did what I always tell the kids not to do.

I dumped my stuff.

Well not the baby.

I put the dog in charge of the baby.

Knocked over several children and whipped open the door.

It was a flower box.

From MY MAN.

With a dozen beautiful red roses.

and CHOCOLATE

I feel better now!

If you see him, let Greg know that he's the man. You know it, I know it and he should hear it more often.

And I really can't express how wonderful it felt to have all of you loving on me.

Thanks

And then the nurse got lippy with me................

2010-02-11T13:32:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry, perhaps that title isn't exactly the phrase I would use to describe this post BUT at this point the fact that she did, keeps bouncing around in my head.
I have been in and out of the Dr office with my hand dragging behind me like some sort of useless rubber appendage.
First I was misdiagnosed, it got worse, then brushed off, again got worse, then treated, got some better, then small slow changes, then brushed off, THEN finally after a month of pain I finally got sent for x-rays and blood work last week.
No word yet Friday how things came out so I had a very pleasant weekend with Greg. Even got to sleep in. WAHOO!
Tried to work from home on Monday so I could use Tuesday to clean the house, kid free. Then on Monday the dentist office called reminding me of a my appt on Tuesday afternoon. Bummer.
Monday did not go well. The house got trashed and the girls got crabby and I got frustrated.
On Tuesday I managed to find some time for cleaning and be alone for a while. Not as long as I wanted but that kind of quiet is priceless.
I called the Doctors office and the nurse told me yes the results were back from the lab but my Doctor had not seen them yet and today was her off day. She will get back to you tomorrow.
Got my teeth cleaned, ran and picked up a few things from the grocery store and had time to drop off a little "I think you are the coolest" note in Greg's car on the way to pick up the kids from school.
I picked them up and they were both ready to go right away. (no small miracle)
Then started driving home.
It was snowing but nothing too bad.
The man in front of me pulled to the left side of the road as if parking. I wondered what he was doing parking on the wrong side of the road. I watched him for a bit then seeing no blinkers I proceeded to pass him. Then he turned right. crunch. SO NOT COOL. (everyone inside was fine)
When I got out of the car I knew right away there was no exchanging #'s and leaving. We called the police and I got a ticket as the man said his blinker was on and the cop said it was a gray area.
awesome.
Greg came, pulled the bumper off the rest of the way and I was able to drive home.
Wednesday was a snow day. I did manage to get an estimate on the van. But the kids were hyper, at each others throats and would not listen to me all day. It was not pretty.
Finally we got some cooperation and were all picking up the basement and the vacuum died.
My thoughts?GRRRRR what next? I have been walking around for 4 WEEKS using one hand. The van is close to being a total loss which by the way was one of the things we had gotten paid off on our journey to debt free. And now the vacuum doesn't suck anymore.
For 10 minutes I QUIT. Kids cried, ran around, broke rules and there I sat in the chair just staring.
I gathered myself, occupied the kids and called the DR office to see what they had discovered. It was 4 so I thought I had given enough time.
I spoke with the same nurse as the day before and she told me the same thing she said on Tuesday. As she was saying it she realized we had had this conversation before and SHE got lippy with ME.
Deep Breath because at this point I had so little patience left for my children much less a grown nurse who would prefer to keep me as paperwork instead of a real person.
I envisioned my head exploding.
After a brief, tight lipped conversation. She assured me that she would call me back later that day. Which did not happen.
Greg came home and fixed the vacuum. YAY!
The Dr office called back today recommending physically therapy and they still don't know what is wrong.
I am crabby, unmotivated, and still don't have full use of my hand.
We have huge decisions to make regarding our home and trasportation.
The kids are wild.
And I have reached my limit.
I am so thankful for Greg.
I hate asking for things.
But I am doing it anyway.
I could use some encouragement and prayers,
Thanks

The Ocean

2010-02-09T21:17:00.002-05:00

Motherhood.....
is like an ocean.

There are times:
hours,
months,
days
that you feel like you are swimming,

enjoying the sunshine

and completely at peace
with your "swim"

Then there are the times:
hours,
months,
days

when you hit
rough seas

Waves splash and hit
waves of frustration
helplessness
lack of control
over
behavior
health
meeting every ones basic needs (demands) at the same time

It is all that you can do to keep your
head above water.

And the saddest part of this is,
all the mothers I know, including myself,
wonder,
while they are kicking with all their might,
gasping for air,

whether they are going
down

because,
they are not using the right stroke.

The reality of the situation is we have been offered a lifesaver.
Our Father
a relationship
something that will keep
our heads above the water

even in the most wild storms

And HE is there.

HE never promised
that the waves would not swell
the storms would not blow

that we would not
b e c o m e c o m p l e t e l y exhausted
from our efforts.

HE promised

HE would be there to keep us up..

Praise HIM for the sun,
Praise HIM for the RAIN
Praise HIM for being there.

Missing

2010-02-08T10:22:00.000-05:00

Missing:One sweet little baby girl. Has been slowly disappearing over the last few months.

And replaced by a cute, rambunctious, adventurous, toddler. The disappearing became complete a week and a half ago.

When she decided to walk just like the rest of us.

Toddler is cute and all but has been known to throw a tantrum or two.

And we have had quite enough of that over here.

Can it be that they are the same girl? The one who used to curl up in my arms is the same one who walks across the room to get a toy? Squeals at her brother and sisters? And yes, screams and throws herself on the floor to see if she can get her way! (This is met by a chuckle from a seasoned "tantrum"veteran)

At least the toddler is equally as cute as the baby, wouldn't you say?

In 20 years

2010-02-04T21:20:00.001-05:00

In 20 years will I remember the way he stepped into my office and gave me a giant hug in front of all his friends??
Or that I have to pry him out of bed every morning and coax him out of school every afternoon.

Will I remember being ripped from my sleep to pick up a fussy babe Or will I remember the way she wrapped her arms around my neck and twisted my hair with her fingers.

Will I remember the way her hair smelled after a bath OR the way she screamed and fussed when I rinsed the shampoo out.

Will I remember the way she screamed and cried when I picked out her clothes or how sweet she looked in her jammies?

20 years from now will she remember that I made her go to bed when she was scared? OR that I rocked her and sang for a half hour first?

Will he remember the stress of homework or the praise for his efforts?

Will she remember that as she followed me all over the house that I tried to include her in my tasks? OR will she remember the times I sent her to play so I could work on my own. And the tears involved on her part.

Will she remember the long, drawn out time outs? Or the talks and hugs afterwards?

Will he be remembering his own library books by then??

Will she remember that I made her eat oatmeal instead of cereal? OR will she remember that I took extra time to make sure she was eating right?

Will she remember how cranky I was during the day OR how I got up 3 times a night to rock her and get her back to sleep?

Will I remember my name? Cause this is some tough and magical stuff.
I love my kids

You do the math..

2010-01-31T21:16:00.000-05:00

When I read the bible I like to look for numbers. At certain points, if the translation is correct the numbers mean something. I am a little wary of even mentioning it because 1, I am sure I don't fully understand it. My knowledge of the bible could be so much better. I am working on it. I should have my Dad write up something about the numbers but alas, he is a bit busy. He knows a little about this stuff.
A few examples would be 3, 4, 12, 40

The # 3 relates to the trinity
The #4 is the entire world. The 4 corners.
#12 the 12 tribes of Israel
And then there is 40. 40 is used as a time of testing. The Israelites were in the desert for 40 years, Jesus was tempted in the desert and he fasted for 40 days.
There are many examples if you look for them.
I do not want to take portions of the bible out of context to work for my own purposes. I do not want to trivialize people with situations more dire than mine. That said the number 40 keeps popping up in my head.
Why?
Because that is the number of pounds I need to lose to get to my goal weight. 40 ugly, glutton for punishment, evidences of overindulgence and leaning on food for comfort, relaxation and enjoyment. Food is a stress reliever a late night friend. An empty promise when used incorrectly.
For more than one reason, at this point, I feel like I am being tested. And I am going to lean on Him for comfort, relaxation, enjoyment, all my needs. You learn in the desert what your needs really are. That He will provide what you need. Not luxery, FULFILLMENT.
So to lose this 40, I am switching from dessert to desert (clever, eh?). Letting go of worthless desires for something real. I know this won't be easy but I am not going it alone. And maybe while I am going through this time of testing the of the other areas in my life that I am being tested in will turn into a healthy knowledge of Him..
So here we go.
I will make healthy changes this week. On Friday I have a Doctor appointment. I need to follow up with my hand issues. I am using it more everyday! And follow up with some other issues. After that appt I will make my plan! I will also report back how God is speaking to me during this time!

Dear Ellie,

2010-01-29T22:59:00.000-05:00

Today you woke before the sun. Before your mom. Before your dad or any of the kids. You started a movie and sat happily by yourself watching it.
Then everyone got up. There was choas. People showering, dressing, making food, lunch and breakfast, yelling, talking back, looking for lost gloves, crying and more yelling.
And then they were gone.
And it was just you and me and Grace.
I made you breakfast.
     and you refused to eat it.
I asked you to get dressed.
     and you went downstairs instead.
I called you back up.
   and you ignored me.
I called a total of 5 times before I heard you slam your hand on the table and say "THAT is IT! I have had enough of her today"
Then you came upstairs.
I showed you your breakfast and when I turned around you got out an applesauce and spilled it on the carpet.
I sat you with your oatmeal and applesauce and told you to eat and you screamed "that is NOT fair!"
and got down.
I sent you to your room again to get dressed.
You took off your clothes and stayed naked.
I got out an outfit and YAY you got dressed.
I got your sister dressed and while I was doing that you snooped sugar and something wet and you spilled whatever it was all over your clothes.
I started the van.
When I came back in you had taken off your clothes and gotten into the bathtub that someone had left full.
I turned off the van.
I told you to get out of the tub
And you were pretty sad.
Then you got out but refused to get dressed.
It was 7 degrees.
I almost put you in the van naked.
But you finally got dressed and into the van.
We drove to Grandmas house to clean. While we were there you jumped on beds, spilled chocolate syrup and gaterade in the carpet.
And would not listen to me.
We came home.
Grace fell asleep in the car and when I went to put her in her bed all the sheets were on the floor.
When I came out of the room I noticed all the pictures were taken off your brothers wall.
I made your lunch.
You asked if you could watch it while you watched a movie.
I thought YAY! A shower and some quiet!
Then you let the dog get your food and cried.
I made you more lunch.
It was 2:00
I showered and tidied up the house.
You spit your chewed up carrots on the floor.
BUT you cleaned it up when I asked you to.
At school when the teacher was talking to me you hid around the corner so I could not see you and I was scared.
And lets just say the rest of the day was just like that.
Thank you for whispering I love you in my ear.
And letting me snuggle you when you watched Dora.
I worry about you.
Enough worry that when I think about it I cry a little.
AND I secretly wish that you have a daughter just like you  someday.
Love MOM

Seasons

2010-01-28T09:40:00.001-05:00

We have lived in and loved this home for many seasons. Planted trees, painted walls, planted vegetables and flowers, brought home babies, harvested gardens, shovelled sidewalks, and many more things. Last night we signed with another realtor. We are going to give this house selling thing one more try.

Seasons are changing and we are wondering if it is time to find a new home for our growing family.

We are waiting on the Lord to see what He wants for us.

Will you pray for us as we go through this selling experience again? It was a big stresser for us the first time we tried it. We are learning to be content with the fact that God has his plan for us in motion. Even if we don't know what it will be.
Thanks!

Totally Grace

2010-01-24T22:18:00.003-05:00

I don't know how or when this happened. This child has picked up that crazy goofy sense of humor that her big sisters and brother have.
This face happens not when the camera flashes, not when I push the button, no, this face happens if I am holding my camera. See examples A-D for proof.

A

But thats OK I am learning to be sneaky!

She is changing so fast and when I look back I can't help but think about how Ellie turned from my happiest baby to my most challanging child.

Please notice how she was looking around when she finally got her little hands on the Wii remote. And the VERY satisfied look on her face when she realized no one was taking it away. yet.

Climbing on things and feeding the dog. Yes, I have seen these things happen before from someone.....

But that face? Totally Grace.

Coffee

2010-01-19T21:00:00.005-05:00

Great Grandpa and Aunt Dora lived a short walk through the woods away from my Grandma and Grandpas house. I remember this with a misty sort of childhood memory vision.

We used to walk there in the mornings with my Grandma for coffee time. There were great things there. A basement with "old" toys, a squirrel that was pretty much a pet as it visited their patio every day, cookies, a letter opener that Great Grandpa let us use to open the mail. But I thought the best thing about that house was the coffee maker. It was a percolator. I loved the popping, it would get faster, and the smell of the coffee would come wafting out and we would watch as the coffee would bubble up into the clear plastic lid on the top.

The percolator. That is how my thoughts are coming these days, so that's how I will be sharing them.

I am trying to stick to a budget. This is not easy as expenses keep popping up.

I have been "sick" again. Not my back again, but my hand. I went in a week ago because it was sore and keeping me up at night. The physicians assistant said I must have overextended it and had me buy a splint and ibuprofen.

Then it started swelling. And I could not use it at all. And if the kids bumped me the pain was enough to bring me to the floor gasping for air. So after a very long and painful weekend I called the physicians assistant and she prescribed another anti inflammatory that did nothing for pain but could not be taken with pain relievers. That night was just awful. Pain. Mind numbing pain. So I waited until the new meds wore off then I took some Tylenol PM.

I am thankful for Tylenol PM.

Today I called in and was seen by someone else. He was a bit appalled by my treatment so far. He said I most likely have some sort of infection and put me on lots of medicine. It is still swollen but I am using it more by the minute. And I have taking pain meds every 4 hours since Thursday out of necessity. The last time I took Tylenol today was almost 6 hours ago and I am OK with that. YAY! I am thankful for wise doctors!!

By the way add to my budget this week a splint and 3 different prescriptions and Tylenol. Lots of Tylenol.

That is OK I am glad I am feeling better!!

My husband has been doing double shifts. Working all day then catching up on housework and laundry at home. Last night he MADE me ice my hand for over a half hour. He know how much I hate using ice packs and how I hate being cold. He put the ice pack on my hand and left the room. He returned shortly with a blanket fresh out of the dryer and a heating pack for my neck. How spoiled am I?

Here is a list of things that are extremely difficult one handed.

Washing dishes

Changing diapers

Dressing a baby

Slicing potato's (My kitchen was a dangerous place yesterday)

Doing anything with buttons, clasps, or zippers

Washing your hands

OPENING PRESCRIPTION BOTTLES

I could however play the wii, cuddle, play memory and read books.

My husband talks a lot of politics. I have no idea what he is talking about. But I love that he talks to me.

I hope that Ellie outgrows her allergies. The month of December was harder on her than I could have predicted. And on me. It is frustrating to balance being polite and letting people know how to feed her and to please not leave her out. It has also been suggested that she stresses out more because I make a big deal of this or that she feels sick or healthy because I tell her which foods will make her sick. My mouth hangs open (do you hear the crickets?).

I refuse to respond. I have argued these things in my head but I don't think I could convince anyone with that mindset. Basically I feel as if they are saying "You are making a big deal out of nothing and its irritating."

In my studies of early childhood education I learned that if a child is going to learn empathy they need to start by the age of 3. I don't think those people started early enough.

My mom made us an awesome dinner tonight. And cleaned the upstairs, did laundry, and watched the 2 littles today while I went to the Dr and to work. That pretty much made made my day. And pretty much shows how spectacular she is.

(notice the Tylenol with the easy open cap in the background!!)

I am feeling pretty disconnected lately. I think its the grey weather. I don't mind the cold as long as it is snowing. But no sun for days on end is just draining.

I love love love my 100 things list. It is keeping me focused on the things I can and cannot control. Well I am not in control of anything but you know what I mean.

I am hearing about a lot of people who are pregnant. I don't miss it. I never had a problem getting pregnant but some people do. I will remember to pray for them.

Our house is going back on the market for a couple of months. Our contract was up and we decided to take the holidays off. They are stressful enough without having to worry about showing the house to people who are going to say we are their second choice!! Its frustrating to say the least. If we don't sell we will add bedrooms because its pretty crowded in the girls room.

8 year old boys are moody.

The kids are still fighting a lot. Also dinnertime has been a struggle because they won't stop goofing around. It sounds silly for me to say that but for some reason my kids have lost the ability to eat and have polite conversation. They had it before.. Now they don't eat and are constantly making rude noises from various parts, and talking over us and constantly giggling. Don't get me wrong family life should be fun but we can't even talk to them when they are like that.

Oh, and word to the wise. Always check to see if your child is wearing headphones when you are talking to them. If you repeatedly ask them to do something and hear them mumbling under their breath as if they are responding you tend to get a little angry when they don't do it. Also you look like and idiot when you stomp over to their chair like an angry ape yelling why aren't you listening to me?? Also this may frighten and offend some children.

I need to work on my weight loss goals. I have been like a child in a breath holding contest. You know when You are little and you close your mouth thinking you are holding your breath but actually breathing through your nose. I say I am dieting but the same things are going in and exercise is rare. So I guess my mouth is just full of hot air......

Well that is enough perking for me... I am off to have a second cup!!

the same

2010-01-14T21:08:00.003-05:00

The fighting has escalated at our home. Oh no, not between Greg and I but between the children. All of them. A lot.

So tonight, I made a decision. No tolerance. If they are not trying to solve a problem, they loose.

I had 2 children in bed at 7:30. Which was quiet.

But at 8 therapy was required.

So I went in his room and we read.

We talked.

We prayed.

And as I got ready to leave I said with a sigh "When I close my eyes, I see a little 2 year old with white blond hair, bright blue eyes, a pipe in his mouth and one in each hand"

"When I open my eyes there is an 8 year old in front of me and I can't imagine what happened"

And I started to stand

but was interrupted when he laid his hand on me.

I looked into those bright blue eyes and he said

"Mom, it's OK. I am still that same boy"

And what a blessing that boy is..

Dear working mother,

2010-01-11T09:23:00.003-05:00

I see your status updates and I want to let you know I feel for you and

I am blessed by you.

There are many opinions on whether a mother should stay in the home or join the work place.

I won't deny I have mine.

The beauty of opinions is they are not right or wrong for everyone.

I am realizing that our culture has evolved into a place where mothers must forge a new path.
So as an almost full time stay at home mother I would like to thank some of you.

Thank you for making it necessary for places to be created that are a second home for children. Thank you for demanding choices and options for kids while you work.

Your efforts are appreciated.

Thank you for realizing that God gave you gifts and abilities that were meant to be shared with the world around you.

In the form of the work you do and to the people who come in contact with you.

You are a witness.

Thank you for taking up the difficult task of creating a balance between work and home so that your children feel special.

Many mothers who work are to tired at the end of the day to give any more than what is absolutely necessary.

I am sure you have those days too. (I do)

But I hear the way you talk about your children.

I see the pictures of the special things you do together.

You give 110% all day and come home to give 120%.

I have been watching.

Thank you for sharing your strong morals and values in the workplace.

For taking a stand.

For showing Jesus everyday in small and wonderful ways.

I see it, your co workers see it, and most fantastically your children see it.

You may work full time but you are also

a mother FULL TIME.

And while I am home with my children today I am realizing that because of the way our culture is evolving,

the path you are paving is also for them.

Your efforts benefit MY children.

So this guilt you say that you feel? I am sorry for it.

I have guilt for staying home sometimes too.

What really matters is the fact that the path you are on today is

where God wants you.

How can that be wrong?

So please hold your head up and let go of the guilt

(a mothers constant companion no matter what she is doing).

Please know you are making a big difference in many places.

Sincerely,

this almost full time stay at home mom

Pardon me....

2010-01-09T00:02:00.004-05:00

......for the lack of posts. I have been playing with my new toy. The kids have been very patient with me as I have renewed interest in taking their pictures. They look, they smile,
They hug and pose and continue about their day.I however could use a lot more practice. And some time for photo editing!
Well, guess some are getting a little bored with it all.
or SOMETHING.

Be back soon! Hope you are having as much fun as I am!! Or at least more than Ellie :)

Update

2010-01-05T21:43:00.001-05:00

Ok so apparently I have been making my to do lists all wrong. I put one list on here and boom, encouragement and help start coming my way! You all rock.
I noticed, and had a discussion with someone who noticed that I had repeated some items. So I made some changes.
# 40 was changed from drive a 4 wheeler to Read 4 books that are not romance or A.D.D./ALLERGY information books.
And #52 was changed from Take my Mom out more often to Learn to handle criticism better. (it was nice talking to you too mom!!)
Totally kidding by the way I still want to take you out more often.
So far I have managed to do #99 everyday. Though one day it was not until after 8 pm because I have not done #75 and was cleaning the laundry room so that I could do #87.
Which I did.
I have also managed to do #80, #28 (honestly put that on there because I knew it would get done) and # 13.
Not a bad start!!
Thanks for all your help and uh constructive criticism.

100 things

2010-01-03T00:47:00.003-05:00

I think people use New Year Resolutions to change themselves so I am not making any. God made me and I like me. So there.
Here are however the top 100 things I would like to do this year. (In random order, otherwise it would take a year to make the list)
You may think I am aiming low with some of them. You don't live here so you could not possibly know.

100. Read the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe with Jacob.
99. Make my bed every day.
98. Keep my calender up to date and review it every night before bed.
97. Teach everyone in the house how to flush the toilet every time you use it.
96. Get up to date on my scrapbooks.
95. Hang new pictures of my kids every couple of months (Ellie has barely made it to our walls let alone Grace!)
94. Find a workout routine and stick to it.
93. Have a party when my Dad finishes writing.
92. Make a snowman.
91. Never go grocery shopping without coupons and a meal plan. And I mean NEVER. Except I forgot coffee filters the last 3 times that I went there. At least I have paper towels.
90. Sew something.
89. Surprise the kids by redecorating thier rooms.
88. Take the kids on a short vacation (we have never done this)
~~87. Clean out the freezer that has been empty for a year and get it out of the storage room~~.
86. Take the kids to a nursing home to visit.
85. Plant a garden. (I missed mine last year)
84. Reduce, reuse, recycle
83. Go away with my husband
82. Go to the beach.
81. Buy something on Craigslist, just to fix it up and sell it again.
80. Go to bed everynight with an empty sink. (This would be easier if I stopped collecting the dirty dishes from around the house)
79. Learn how to wax my own eye brows.
78. Teach everyone in my house how to change the roll of toilet paper (Mya asked me to show her a few weeks ago, I still get teary eyed when I think of it)
77. Have a dinner party
76. Go golfing with Greg (I don't really want to golf so much as to go with him to do something he enjoys. just once, then the guys can have him back)
75. Find another place to fold laundry other than my bed.
74. Make the kids take thier crap out of the van every time we get home (wish me luck with this one)
73. Get a great deal on some new family room furniture.
72. Help someone
71. Clean behind my washer, dryer and refridgerator (these things have been haunting me. I vacuumed the entire crawlspace, walls, floor and ceiling last week and I swear since then, I have slept better)
70. Underreact to the little things.
69. ~~Loose 40 lbs~~ Get fit. If I happen to loose 40 lbs while doing this I will not complain and will do the dance of joy.
68. Speak up when I am upset, but hold my tongue when I am speaking in anger.
67. Go on a field trip with each of my kids ( I am honestly embarrased to let anyone else in my van and am a little afraid it may break down!!)
66. Compile enough allergy free recipes to make something different every day for one month (for either breakfast, lunch or dinner)
65. Be more understanding of others.
64. Answer emails ontime
63. Go for a jog with my Dad.
62. Find a church family
61. Make a budget and stick to it. Keep everything I spend and save written down.
60. Do the south beach diet.( I have done it before and it keep us eating healthy for over a year!)
59. Take a class.
58. Do something nice for someone and never tell them.
57. Go to Chicago.
56. Iron Gregs shirts (tee hee, poor Greg this never gets done!)
55. Keep a daily journal. (weekly? Perhaps my calender, budget and journal should all live in the same place)
54. Learn how to use my camera well.
53. Get my ugly veins removed.
52. Learn to handle criticism better
51. Frequent resale stores and craigslist in order to save money.
50. Make one Christmas gift for everyone in my family next year (immediate family). homemade gifts are the best.
49. Keep a houseplant alive.
48. Join a bible study.
47. Blog more often (writing is theraputic)
46. Keep Ellie from cutting her hair again. (I think we are on 4 times now but I can't tell anymore. I found a clump of hair in the laundry last week)
45. Sleep through the night.
44. Whiten my teeth.
43. Go water skiing (after the ~~40 lb~~ getting healthy thing)
42. Go to bed by 10 every weeknight. 11:30 on weekends at the latest.
41. Get back to cooking breakfast for my family. Cereal is just not a good way to start the day
40. Read at least 4 books that are not romance or Allergy/A.D.D information books.
39. Ride on a rollercoaster without throwing up.
38. Go to my sons first piano recital. (so excited for this)
37. Pray more, whine less.
36. Start having the kids help me cook and clean up.
35. Start doing more of the kids activities with them (playstation, piano, dress up reading. Dishes and Laundry can wait)
34. Give up something for lent.
33. Save enough money for next Christmas.
32. Get a trampoline. (Don't tell my kids!)
31. Take Ellie to a mommy and me class.
30. Get a family picture taken.
29. Get my colors done.
28. Drink coffee. (honestly I love coffee.)
27. Celebrate small things.
26. Teach the kids how to use napkins instead of thier sleeves.
25. Find a pair of black and brown boots on sale.
24. Find a perfume just for date night.
23. Trace mine and Gregs family tree and record it for the kids.
22. Write down stories from grandparents and put them with the geneology.
21. Find 5 free places in West Michigan that I have never gone and take the kids.
20. FARMERS MARKET! Can't wait. Maybe try some other towns this year?
19. Wine tasting.
18. Find the balance between standing up for my opinions and being open minded to others opinions.
17. Tell people what I think. out loud.. right away. Instead of being mad inside and venting to Greg afterward.
16. (gasp) Enroll Ellie in Preschool. No I don't think I can. She may need to stay with me until Kindergarten.
15. Research other options for ADD
14. Find more ways to show Greg I love him.
13. Have time alone with God everyday.
12. Have time with the family and God everyday.
11. Go to the zoo.
10. Get a facial.
9. Ride a 4 wheeler and learn how to do a burn out.
8. Look into lasik surgery (and start saving)
7. Make a new friend.
6. Did I mention the flushing the toilet thing?
5. Visit old friends
4. Find a solution for our cramped entryway problem
3. Let go of the things I can't control.
2. Figure out how to make people leave comments on my blog.
1. Begin everyday by putting God first, Then Greg and then the kids. I am blessed. When I think of all that could happen this year I am overwhelmed by the unknown. There are few guarentees in life. I have no idea how many of these I will achieve. I do know which are the most important. AND I do know what we are guarenteed is pretty spectacular. Happy New Year!

Guess who??

2009-12-29T10:42:00.001-05:00

Guess who got the most exciting Christmas this year?

Was it baby G, who experienced her 1st Christmas?

Or Mya, who got her very first grown up camera?

And gave me reason to shower and wear make up every day because she never parts with it?

Was it Jacob who is VERY excited about this lego set his cousin gave him?

Was it the toys?

The Games?

The people?

The weather

The feeling like we are living in an enormous snowglobe?

Getting something you didn't know you wanted so badly?

Or getting what you have been longing for?

And DANCING WITH JOY, SHAKING YOUR FISTS IN THE AIR!!

Is that what it is?

Yup, I am pretty sure it was all of those but especially the last 2.

We recieved something we did not know that we needed so badly.

And something that makes me want to DANCE WITH JOY,

SHAKING MY FISTS IN THE AIR!!

For us a child was born,

for us a SON was given.

And God is WITH us.

Hope everyone had the best Christmas!

Dear Madelyn,

2009-12-23T14:20:00.001-05:00

Thank you! Thank you for taking the time to find something that Ellie can have as a treat for Christmas!
Your mom called to ask some questions about a recipe and told me that you did not want to bring something to the Christmas party that Ellie could not have. Thank you for understanding that traditions are not about enjoying food but enjoying people.
Thank you for your empathy for Ellie and not wanting her to feel left out.
It is a bigger gift for Ellie and I than you could ever realize. The fact that an 8 year old found a recipe and was thoughtful enough to make it for her cousin is touching. Now Ellie can be a party where she does not have to be segregated from others or warned that what everyone else is eating right in front of her is dangerous.
You are such a sweetheart and you made my Christmas very special this year.
I love you!
Aunt Lisa

(every time I think of this thoughful act I cry a little! The world would be a better place if more people like Madelyn were in it. I need to get a kleenex and wipe my eyes again!)

Love at first sight

2009-12-11T08:49:00.002-05:00

I do not believe in Love at first sight.

Love is built not in an instant but over time.

That said, the moment I met him my heart skipped and then felt as though it finally found the home it never realized it was looking for.

11 years ago today we were married.

I thought I was in love with him that day.

But now? I am amazed at how much love can grow.

I had no idea the depth and height that it can reach.

Anyway that is waxing pretty poetic for me at 8:30 in the morning!

Over the past 11 years we have learned alot.

We have learned to let go of somethings

and learned to hold tight to others

We rarely fight

We laugh alot (seriously this guy is funny)

In fact he always knows how to make me laugh.

Not giggle

belly laugh

This is vital

We have had 4 children,

he walked with me through the labors

We miscarried 1 little one

and we walked eachother through that too.

He is After God, who I live for.

I could try to describe Greg but I will save you from reading something you would find in a hallmark card.

Instead I will mention somethings he does and you can find out for yourself what he is like.

Every once in a while, when I wake up there is a pot of coffee waiting for me in the kitchen.

Since I nursed, he never got up with the kids but he used to roll over to my side and keep it warm until I got back.

He cheerfully provides for his family.

Since we brought Grace home he cooks almost as much as I do

When he is not working he always makes breakfast on Saturday mornings

When we eat he always takes care of everyone and won't eat until he is sure that I can eat too.

He is who the kids ask for to tuck them in.

He changed his work schedule so that he can bring the kids to school in the morning.

He likes to have lunch with me on my work day.

He can calm and soothe a crying child faster than I can.

He Forgives quickly

He is who the kids ask for to do homework with them

And my heart still skips a beat and is at home

Did I mention that he can make me laugh

I love this man & I thank God for this man

We never think to get our picture taken together!! We should try more oftern!

a moment

2009-12-08T22:12:00.001-05:00

Things are getting out of hand.

Out of control.

Responsiblities

chores

LAUNDRY

appointments

meal planning

homework

lessons

OUT..OF..CONTROL

She stands in her kitchen.

There is giggling, when there should be pencil scratches.

Loud noises where there should be lovely cords.

The recently spotless kitchen is cluttered and splattered

Meat and veggies are close to burning

And there she stands

trying to grasp where to start,

what to finish,

if running is an option.

There is a tug on her leg,

a baby with a runny nose

and teary eyes,

needs her arms.

And they stand in the kitchen

in the mess and the choas.

strong arms comforting a little body.

Or was it the other way around.

The smell of chicken replaced by a sweet baby smell.

The crying stops.

Life blurs by

THIS.IS.THE. GOOD. STUFF.

Many hands.........

2009-11-21T22:24:00.002-05:00

Make light(s) work.

So Greg went to watch ~~some Losers~~ the LIONS play football this weekend. And I decided this was the perfect opportunity to get some Christmas decorations up. I did not plan on no naps for Grace and how even though the weather here is beautiful, the whole decorating thing would SNOWBALL so much and the thought of cleaning it left me cold.

All in all we had a great time.

We strung lights, filled mangers, set up trees, arranged villages, listened to Christmas music, goofed around and took some pictures.

I am thankful this season for FAMILY.

For the parents who brought us up.

For the kids who keep us up

and everybody in between.

I hope your spirits are bright this year,

that your lights don't burn out

and you don't get tangled up in things

that have no real meaning.

WE love you, Jesus.

My World View

2009-11-19T22:43:00.001-05:00

Fighting Discontentment.

With lack of progress on our home sale.

And lack of control over our circumstances

So I took a step back and realized that there is no WAY

my plans could ever be better than HIS.

And that I had turned into a WHINER.

I have been given so much.

So today I will share some parts of my day.

The boy was at school and then Piano.

I missed him.

My man worked late to provide for his family.

I love him.

If I stand still for any length of time, this is what I find at my feet. Is there anything sweeter than the weight of your baby balancing herself on your leg?

My girls got themselves a picnic snack and played restaraunt.

And made a little mess. And had a lot of fun.

While I steam cleaned couches, they shared.

And mothered eachother.

They seem to be growing by leaps and bounds.

Reaching for new goals. And achieving them

How is it possible to look in these eyes
and not feel blessed.
I guess I was looking so closely at what I do not have,
that I did not see what I have been
so richly given.
And once again
I am content.

Lord,

You have richly blessed me.

Please allow me to honor you with my blessings.

Amen.

soon......

2009-11-17T18:03:00.002-05:00

****Speaking of sense of humor I guess my husband still has his!! That lovely wonderful man came to my rescue yesterday when I "locked" my keys in the van. Fortunatly after unlocking the van he reached in my purse and grabbed the keys out of a compartment that I never use. My purse is about 6in by 6in, small right? I did that on purpose so that I don't lose things. Anyway superhubby let me know I had my keys with me the entire time, laughed and headed back to work. He was nice enough to leave a comment here. Thanks G! At least we all know that your sense of humor has not been misplaced!!

Original Post
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I seem to have lost my sense of humor. I don't even remember the last place I had it. Apparently, it is on the same key ring as my ability to string a sentance together. That coupled with the fact that I am mad at blogger for taking away spellcheck, has kept me from updating. But soon, very soon.

Oh, HONESTLY

2009-11-10T11:18:00.001-05:00

I have been given an award! Thanks Charity! I haven't won an award since I was student of the month in 8th grade! What a day that was!

And for honesty. Someone should tell my mom because for some reason she did not believe that I had a stomach ache every stinkin school day from kindergarten~12th grade!!

Charity is one of my favorite people! A great mom to 4 kids who I claim as nieces and nephews. You can learn alot about how to be a Godly mother from this lady! Love Ya Charity ;)

Here are the rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link to their blog.
2. Share 10 honest things about yourself.
3. Present this award to 7 other whose blogs you find brilliant in design or content.
4. Tell those 7 people they have been awarded.

Here are my honest things:
1. I HATE folding socks. At this point I haven't folded socks in 3 weeks. Greg knows this about me and hides new packages of socks in the closet so that if he runs out he won't have to go hunting for them. The kids are down to thier soccer socks and bare feet with slippers, so I am afraid that today is the day!

2. I read in the bathtub almost every night. Sometimes I eat chocolate in there too. Mostly I read Harry Potter over and over (because the books are already in the bathroom and water damaged). Its my place to unwind.

3. I have literally swept things under the rug. For some reason I can never get the rest of the crumbs onto that stupid dustpan so sometimes if I am feeling lazy I have lifted the carpet runner in the kitchen and swept them under there. (oh my WORD, can't believe I just confessed that)

4. I am not a morning person and Mya is. I try really hard to let her just be herself and be happy in the morning but SERIOUSLY. She won't stop talking and asking me questions and to do things with her. She will show up at my bedside and just start talking. So a few weeks ago, in effort to be completely open and honest with her. I asked her NOT to talk to much before I had my coffee. The next day she asked if she was allowed to talk yet and I felt so guilty I told her to forget it..

5. I obsess over folding the bottom sheet to match the top sheet. My mom has shown me how to do this many times and I get so frustrated that I cannot consistently figure it out. Stupid really, its time that could be spent folding socks.

6. I still worry that about my kids not breathing during the night so I often check on them. Even the 8 year old. And what is really wierd is, I check Greg too. I have love when he snores because then I sleep soundly without worry!

7. Ellie makes me laugh when she is naughty. She is so funny.. I know it, and she knows it. I told her a few weeks ago that I could laugh and still discipline her. Then I did. She isn't quite as funny anymore.

8. I am passive aggressive. If you do something that makes me upset I may remember that you hate the smell of a certien food and eat it in front of you. I do not do this on purpose. It just happens. Honestly.

9. I work at an Elementary School. I am sure that I am allowed to use the teachers bathroom but I can't bring myself to use it because it is for the teachers. I can barely bring myself to go in the teachers lounge. And the toilets are REALLY short in there!

10. I went to school for early childhood education. I knew everything about kids, then I had some. Now, sometimes I am lost with what to do with them. I can still see what to do when other people have issues with thier kids but have to make myself stop just reacting when it comes to my own.

Well. was that honest enough??

I Choose to Award the following bloggers for thier honesty in the blog world.

Katie When Hello Means Goodbye

Rachel Rach's Blog

Debbi Debbi's Blog

Val Grace~Faith~Hope

Erin almost always about the kids

Michelle The Hayden Family

Jill Savage Keeping Hearts at Home

Chocolate clumsiness

2009-10-28T13:42:00.002-04:00

***I am having some trouble uploading videos. This update goes with the video above which will only be there for a limited time because I cannot get it to import into the body of the post. UGH technology.

I need to laugh like I need to breath. Some of you may know this about me. I can make a joke out of almost anything (to a fault). I have been feeling pretty wieghed down lately with BIG life things and I need to laugh or I will suffocate.
I remembered how so many people enjoyed this video and thought I would share another one that just makes me chuckle. Please notice how she chooses to hear only the words she wants to hear, and not anything about spankings or time outs. My FAVORITE is her bandaid request.

Blooming

2009-10-26T13:32:00.002-04:00

*****update for those who are praying. The surgery is over and SUCCESSFUL. Whew I am exhausted...... Please pray for continued strength for Chloe and family. The hard part for the surgeon is over but the hard part for Chloe is just beginning. My brother and sister in law will update the thier blog as they get updates and Chloe wakes up. PLEASE pray for continued comfort! Thanks all! And while you are on your knees can you pray that I can finally focus on cleaning my house for the showing we just scheduled for this evening. Oh and that we sell our house!!! Thank you all!

Origional post:
My gardening is done for another season. All the annuals have been pulled and most of the perennials have been cut back. The weather has been cold and rainy but a few hardy perennials are braving the climate and putting on a show to match the vibrant color that the trees have turned. I have been thinking alot about blooming lately.
I have a 9 year old niece whose name is Chloe. The name Chloe means blooming, and that is so fitting and appropriate. She has a rough time ahead of her and yet she is braving the climate and is blooming.
She is a quiet young lady, but not really shy. She is quite handy in the kitchen, loves babies and horses. She loves Jesus and recently stood up in front of her church to let it be known that she lives to serve Him.
She is quick witted and quite funny. She is a wonderful and beautiful young lady inside and out. But she has a broken heart.

She was born with a heart defect. She had surgery on this heart when she was 4 and is scheduled for another one tomorrow. To face this at the age of 9 maturely seems impossible, and still she blooms.

I wish I could fix this for her. I wish I could take her place. I wish that I could make this better. The only thing that I can do is pray for her. AND ask you to pray as well.

She has a blog to document this surgery so if you want to know more please visit her there. They will update with more specific details of the surgery and more specific prayer requests. And if you feel comfortable leave a comment or a prayer. It will be cool to know how people care for Chloe!

Ellieisms

2009-10-25T23:09:00.001-04:00

The other day I went to the grocery store. You didn't hear about it because it wasn't horrible. Except for the moment that we walked into the store and Ellie threw an absolute screaming tantrum for no apparent reason and I had to find a naughty spot, walk a little ways away, and let her scream it out. Which she did. And then we both played nice.

When we started checking out, Ellie decided she wanted to help put the items on the conveyor belt. This sparked a conversation with the lady behind us.
Lady "Wow, your mom is lucky to have such a nice helper"

Ellie looks at the Lady, smiles and says nothing.

Me "Yes, she loves to help, thank you"

Lady " What a nice girl! How many are you?"

Ellie (with confidence) "one"

Me "No Ellie! You are 3 remember!"
to the lady "I am not sure why she said 1, She is 3"

Ellie "NO MOM! I am 1"

Me "Ellie you are 3 remember??"

(this goes back and forth a couple of times before she says....)

Ellie "Mom I am 1, there is just me, I am one Ellie"
At this point I realized she is smarter than me and the lady!! Her answer was completely correct.
She was asked How many are you and the answer is 1. She is just one Ellie.
Me "you are so smart Ellie and how old are you?"
Ellie "3" with 3 (fingers held up)
phew! Glad we got that straight!
And I am so glad I got the only one!!

An Alexander day

2009-10-24T23:17:00.002-04:00

Ever heard of Alexander? You know the boy who has a horrible day and wants to move to australia?
One line from the book that I remember is "I went to bed with gum in my mouth and now there is gum in my hair."
I am SO feeling his pain today. Or today and parts of this week.
I could bore you with all the details but they are everyday boring mom details.
Failed housecleaning attempts for 3 days straight.
Fighting
Tantrums
Marker on the ceiling
An 8/16 year old who threw the biggest sulk ever.
and that one feels too personal to share.
Toothaches
Shattered snow globes
RAIN RAIN RAIN
Medications
Runny noses
Sleepless Nights
A VERY wet, cold soccer game.
Picky eaters
Being Late
Long lines
Worry about illness
YOU NAME IT

You know all the things that happen during a normal week for a mom only this time it feels magnified. Exaggerated. More intense. Should I just assume its me? Am I in a bad mood? It doesn't feel like I am. Is it the weather? Is it the BIG surgery my niece is facing?
It is most likely the latter.
Nothing I seem to do seems right.
Some weeks are like that EVEN in Australia

And thankfully I have the best husband EVER to balance out my week.

Please pray for Chloe and her family. If you would like to leave a comment or prayer for her you can do that here.

I will put up a post about this wonderful young lady very soon.

oh SHOOT!

2009-10-09T08:48:00.010-04:00

Instead of using my money to "feed the economy" I decided to have my own photo shoot with the kids this year. These were taken a few months ago and I have neglected to put them on the blog because of sheer laziness. Today is a cold and rainy day and it is the perfect time to sweat suit up and show them off a little. I could not have done this without my sister Alison because it takes 2 people one to make her smile and stop eating grass and the other to use the camera.
Thanks Alison!

I am very pleased with how these turned out! Better than sears wouldn't you say?

Yesterday, I took some time in the afternoon to get some pictures of the 3 sisters. Getting them all to look in the general direction of the camera was tough and in the end my mom helped a lot~

There are way more outtakes than framers and most of those had Ellie jumping, grace eating the background and Mya kissing Grace. Those are cute too!

At the Trestle by our house

Surprise Inspection

2009-10-07T22:22:00.003-04:00

I shared a room while I was growing up. I guess growing up in a family of four kids, three of them being girls it was pretty certain that I would have to share at some time or another. (Don't worry it was character building!!)
And while I always looked forward to weekends, I always forgot about Saturday morning chores. The main chore was cleaning our room. The room my older sister and I shared was in the attic of a 3 story home in Prospect Park NJ. The 2Nd story was our main living area and the 1st floor was split into 2 apartments that were rented out. There was also a cellar that had to be accessed from outside. This was where the washer and dryer were so year round my mom had to take her laundry baskets outside and down two flights of stairs to get to the washing machine.
Anyway,(ahem A.D.D) back to Saturday mornings.
On Saturday mornings we would get up and watch cartoons until we heard the dreaded. "Girls, you need to go clean your room."
I am sure we never went the first time we asked. And when we did finally go we would flop ourselves on our beds and begin the age old power struggle of who would "start" the cleaning.
Irritably bouncing back and forth between reason and pettiness.
"You pick up the first thing and then I will start too"
"No if I start then you will just watch me and I will have to do it myself"
We would go back and forth and pretty soon mom would call up the stairs wondering how our room was coming.
Arguing would turn to playing and soon we would have long hair (skirts on our heads) Michelle would be Mary and I would be Laura. I believe we fought about that too.
Soon mom, with a little frustration in her voice would call up the stairs mentioning the fact that if Dad got home with Dunkin' Donuts before we were done, we would not get any! (I can see him cringe now! If you see him ask how he could let his kids play in traffic like that :) )
We may have picked up a thing or 2 and then hopped in some sleeping bags to slide down the stairs a few times BANGING into the door at the bottom. Or we might open the passage to the "loft" which looked over into my brothers room. It was pretty much just a storage area and where he set up his electric trains and we were certainty NOT supposed to be there.
Then mom would DROP THE BOMB.
"DAD WILL BE INSPECTING YOUR ROOM SO YOU HAD BETTER GET CLEANING" (please don't read the all caps as yelling but as a stern voice. My mom never yelled. I am serious. NEVER)
CRAP
He was the strictest inspector EVER. He checked EVERYWHERE. There was no stuffing under beds or in closets. Beds were made neatly, nothing out of place.
He was EFFECTIVE. seriously.
Why do I bring this up now??
Because today we had a showing for our house. To me this feels like the realtor calling and saying "SURPRISE INSPECTION, YOU HAD BETTER GET CLEANING!!!!!"
I have literally cleaned and laundered for 13 1/2 hours since coming home from work last night.
And all the while I felt the same pressure I used to feel before INSPECTION.
(although I did stuff some things. Actually when I typed that I realized I had not taken the tray of bread loaves and misc. items is still in the oven and needs to be returned to the top of the fridge!)
I wonder constantly HOW my mess gets so out of hand and why I let it go so long. And will they notice my curtains need cleaning? Is that a cobweb? What if someone looks at the house and decides I didn't take good enough care of it and wonder what else I did not take care of?? Will they be inspecting the closets? fridge? under the beds? The single socks that I stuck in the dryer to keep out of sight?
Then in my cleaning haze, the pressure becoming too much for my feeble brain, my mind starts to wander.
This house is a blessing. A nice sturdy house that we have made home. Will they see that God is the center of our family?
And then my mind wanders again. Forget what other people see, is my heart clean enough? God never gives surprise inspections.
We know where He wants to be. Is my heart ready for Him or am I stuffing other things in there?
And there is the fact that to get it clean all I need to do is ask him to clean it. That is crazy. Makes me feel weird. Like asking my Dad to clean my house. I don't think I could do it. I ask my mom all the time but......

I don't know what is going on with our house or where we will be in a year. That part of the deal is so stressful. I don't even know at this point how the showing went or if we will even hear about it. Your prayers over this would be wonderful.
But now that I think about it, even if we didn't have our house up for sale, I would have NO IDEA what would happen to us in a year. I do know God has a plan and He is with us.
I just need to ask Him to clean my heart daily.

Fredricks 6

A letter to Amaya

I didn't sign up for this.

Day 5

Captured

Dear 35,

2nd stop animation

Lunch boxes make me cry.

Eyes wide open.

Answered prayer (updated)

Favorite things

Sweet summer brought to you by.....

a week in review.....

the race

Snowpants and Sunburn

OK, THAT IS IT, I AM TAKING YOU TO MY HAPPY PLACE.

Refusing naptime

Seeing clearly..

The perfect outfit

picky picky

Here

Its thursday

Workout Wednesday

A poll.

Sorting

Sunny, Soccer, Saturdays

Either/Or

Lessons in fearlessness

big families

10 Things Tuesday

blah, blah, blah. Its just me flappin' my gums.

Fredricks Family

Grace wishes you a Happy Independence Day

Do you ever dream that you are falling?

belated

Crazy, we are just a special kind of crazy..

Brought to you by the ultimate, sweet Mothers Day SLAM.

Trying to keep the main thing the main thing. A rant or ramble.

My plan is to improvise.

Finding Joy Friday.

Cute and creepy.

Hold Fast!!

A thought

weekend rambles

confessional II ***updated***

a gift

Grace

To Savor:

juggling

BFF

spring cleaning

Rocking the night away

Chip on my shoulder.

Calming the storm

Help!!

Firecracker

Dealing with a salesman.

Family Movie night.......Dutch Style

My final farewell.......sort of

Wow.

And then the nurse got lippy with me................

The Ocean

Missing

In 20 years

You do the math..

Dear Ellie,

Seasons

Totally Grace

Coffee

the same

Dear working mother,

Pardon me....

Update

100 things

Guess who??

Dear Madelyn,

Love at first sight

a moment

Many hands.........

My World View

confessional II updated